Time for an annual reminder:

If you're searching for a present for a friend or loved one who lives in a nursing home, it wouldn't be surprising to learn that the perfect gift is not leaping instantly to mind. It can in fact be a real challenge. But as a veteran of nursing-home buying, I have a few suggestions for you. 

Let's start with a few don'ts:

• It should be obvious, but apparently it is not: Don't bring in anything that the recipient can't eat -- no sugary treats for those with diabetes, no nuts or popcorn for those with diverticulitis. If you have any doubts, do your research and check with a nurse.


• Be sensible: don't give the modern equivalent of a boom box to someone with a roommate -- unless it's accompanied by earphones and instructions for using them.


• Don't give conventional books to someone with failing vision, or books on tape to someone with no means of listening to them. 


• Don't give a gift that could be a fire hazard. That means none of those cute little packages of tea, mug and plug-in cup heater. No hot plates. Nothing that plugs in and heats up.


• Don't give an appliance if it will only cause frustration. A prime problem: phones with built-in answering machines. Younger residents may really appreciate them, but I promise you that they can reduce many old folk to tears in very short order.

There are far better choices available to those who know their residents fairly well. For instance:

• This is the generation that wrote letters, and many still do. Books of pretty stamps are always welcome, as are boxes of stationery or a selection of cards for any occasion -- Get Well, Happy Birthday, Thank You and Thinking of You are perfect.


• Look for wonderful new books or old favorites for a reader, large-print if necessary; I recently discovered a resident with a shared passion for Kathleen Thompson Norris, the highest-paid woman novelist of the early 20th century; she'll be ultra-easy to buy for, since Norris wrote dozens of books and one of the advantages to old age is being hazy about stories read decades ago. 


• Many will welcome reading accessories such as clip-on night lights (with a supply of batteries) or magnifying sheets or glasses.


• If the nursing staff okays it, candy and cookies are always a big hit.  


• How about a jigsaw puzzle, if there's a place to assemble it? And how about personalizing it? I'm currently searching for one featuring turtles for a resident who loves both puzzles and turtles -- if I can find the right one, I think she'll be delighted.

 

• If the home has a beauty shop, you could pay for a shampoo, cut and set for a resident who's low on funds.


• An easy-to-care-for plant may be just the ticket, especially for someone who once enjoyed gardening. Surprisingly, an orchid can be great; it may not live forever, but some of the most common types will bloom for a long time and need only an ice cube a week for moisture. And what an exotic gift it makes!


• For the right resident and the right room, a stuffed toy can turn into a beloved "companion." And there are some very cool, battery-operated cats and dogs available today; but bring extra batteries and make sure there'll be someone available to change them.


• Another nifty gift is a pair of earphones for TV listening. The resident's roommate will appreciate them, and that can help keep the peace for everyone concerned.


• For the man or woman who has everything, you might want to consider making a donation in his or her name to a cause that he or she loves -- his or her church, or a local humane society, or the Rescue Mission or Salvation Army. 

But the best gift at all for someone living in a nursing home is the gift of time. Lavish it on him or her not only during the Christmas season, but every month of the year!

Back in December of 2005, I was sitting in on a sing-along of some sort at Care-age of Brookfield when I suddenly heard a beautiful tenor voice rising above the others. I traced the voice to an 80-something man seated in a wheelchair, sporting a neatly pressed light blue shirt and navy slacks, a fringe of white hair, wire-rimmed glasses, and a big smile. He was a perfect candidate for our next Christian Music Hour, so I checked the name tag on his wheelchair, already planning how I would persuade him to join us on Sunday morning.
 
I nearly fell over when I saw his name. HIPAA privacy laws prevent me from sharing that name with you, dear reader, so let’s just call him John. But I will tell you this: When I launched my writing career at a little Milwaukee PR agency in the mid-1970s, this very John had been a senior VP for our largest client – an exceptionally kind man who was greatly respected, admired and even loved by the low-level staffers I worked with.  
 
After the sing-along was over, I introduced myself, outlining my connection with his long-ago employer. It was no surprise that he didn’t remember me. But he was mighty pleased to make my acquaintance that day, and to make plans for attending the Christmas edition of the Christian Music Hour the following Sunday.
 
John and I chatted quite a while that day. I discovered that he was a life-long church-goer who had never heard the gospel of Jesus Christ. He said he was pinning his heavenly hopes on the fact that he’d been baptized as an infant, and that he was a deacon in his church. He was quite surprised to learn that, according to the Bible, we are saved for all eternity not because of what we’ve done, but because of what Jesus did on the cross. Surprised, and the more he thought about it, delighted, because it simply made sense to him. 
 
That Sunday, our Christian Music Hour repertoire consisted of traditional Christmas carols, with one notable exception: I’d included a beautiful '90s song called "A Strange Way To Save the World." The residents of that era usually didn’t like contemporary songs, but this one was pretty enough to earn smiles from a number of the participants, including my new friend John. He said that enjoyed the entire hour immensely, in fact, and kept his song book so he could sing his favorites again in the privacy of his room.
 
John quickly became my favorite resident. Having been introduced to the gospel of Jesus Christ, he was hungry to learn more about the Bible. I brought him a copy of the first version I’d read cover to cover – the Life Application Study Bible in the easy-to-read New Living Translation – and found him immersed in it every time I visited, and eager to talk about what he’d been discovering.
 
In early February, his family moved John into an assisted-living facility a half-hour from my home. I decided to steal a few more hours each week from my freelance writing business in order to visit him there, and our fellowship continued for several more weeks.  
 
But then one Wednesday afternoon, I received a call from his daughter. John had died unexpectedly of a massive stroke that morning, she said, so I needn’t make the trip to visit him that week.
 
I was sad to lose my friend, of course, but rejoiced that John had repented and trusted in Jesus Christ; I would be seeing him again one happy day. In the meantime, I attended his funeral, held in the church where he’d been a deacon for so many years, but had never heard the gospel preached.
 
Apparently nothing had changed. Sandwiched between by-the-book opening and closing prayers, the service was dedicated to what a fine, upstanding man John had been, how well he’d taken care of his family, what a great success he’d been as a businessman and friend to all. Not a word about the Jesus he’d come to know and love in recent weeks. Not a word about the everlasting life he was already enjoying.
 
But in spite of the thoroughly secular service, John had managed to leave a clear message behind. There, on the back of the funeral bulletin, were some unexpected words:
 
"This is a song that John heard recently and loved. He asked us to share it with you at his funeral." 

What followed were the lyrics to "A Strange Way To Save the World." You'll find them in this video, if you'd care to find out why John was so moved by them. (If you’re reading this via email, please click on the headline above to be taken to the page with the audio link.)​​

Our weekly nursing-home Bible Discussion has settled into a format that our regular attendees seem to appreciate. We spend the first half hour on various articles and essays that would be of keen interest to any believer—articles and essays on topics from creation science to the growing global persecution of our brothers and sisters in Christ. And then we devote the second half hour to readings directly from the Bible, or from a well-vetted book on a compelling biblical topic.
 
This year, the late Phillip Keller’s peerless book A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm took us from late spring through early autumn, warming our hearts and taking us deep into the extraordinary ways the Good Shepherd cares for His flock. The 23rd Psalm may be only six verses. But thanks to shepherd Keller’s charming explanations of each one, our group has found this psalm to be a wonderful source of divinely inspired comfort, support and joy to sustain us through virtually any trial.   
 
We are now working our way through the highlights of Randy Alcorn’s riveting book Heaven. At over 500 pages, it’s a truly comprehensive analysis of what the Bible says about the believer’s ultimate destination, as well as what various theologians have added to the discourse over the years. It seems that many of us have some major misconceptions about eternity; in Heaven, Alcorn addresses them one by one, providing a biblically accurate picture of the “happily ever after” awaiting every born-again Christian.
 
How about you?
 
If you have a heart for the elderly, a love for the word of God, and a little time to spare, I hope you’ll consider conducting a Bible Discussion of your own at a nearby nursing home or assisted-living facility. Simply contact the Activities Director or Administrator to introduce yourself and make your pitch. If you’re turned down by the first one, keep trying; the Lord will open just the right door for you.
 
If I can be of any encouragement, don’t hesitate to get in touch. I’d be happy to share my week-by-week outlines with you, if you need some help getting started.
 
Don’t wait – there are undoubtedly some elderly folks in your area who are hungering and thirsting for someone like you to share the word of God with them!  

I've said it before and I'll say it again: If you visit folks in a nursing home, there's an easy way to keep the memories you're making alive until you return. And that's bringing each resident you visit a custom-made silk-flower arrangement. They're just like fresh only better, because they'll still look great when you come back; no need to water or deadhead (although one of my favorite little ladies used to water hers regularly.) 

Shown above are some of the arrangements I've brought to my friends in recent months. I typically bring about five new ones each week and then move them from room to room, according to the available display space and the individual preferences of each recipient. 

I get most of my containers at Good Will and Salvation Army stores, usually for $3 or less apiece, and often find bunches of unused silk flowers there, too. But great buys can also be had at the end-of-the-season sales at local garden centers and craft stores. And there's nothing better than amassing donations from friends; most of those shown here were gifts from my friend Tess, and one features flowers from Conny. Thanks, girls!

Of course, if you want to do this in any volume, it takes quite a collection of both containers and silk flowers. My husband was kind enough to build me a wall of shelves in the garage. And he usually manages to bite his tongue as the scene gets more and more chaotic and spills over into the basement -- not to mention the kitchen, which becomes my washing-and-arranging workroom one night a week.  

But I guarantee that it's worth it. My elderly friends  look forward to their new arrangements each week. And between visits, they're reminded that someone is not only thinking about them, but is making something special just for them.  

If you're thinking about volunteering at a local nursing home and happen to be a lover of old hymns, consider offering to do a Christian Music Hour every month or even every week, if you have the time. 

A small group from my church does just that each month at Care-age of Brookfield: we put together the songbooks and the music from favorite CDs (including selections by everyone's favorite singer, Tennessee Ernie Ford). And my friends Nancy and Pam help the Activities aide on duty transport residents, turn songbook pages, and generally make members of our senior-citizen chorus feel happy and loved. 

What's more, the Carrillo family pitches in. Each month, dad Chris delivers an excellent biblical message, custom-prepared and carefully tailored to the needs of those residing in a long-term care facility. And we get wonderful assists from his children Cole, Braden and Danica -- help ranging from sharing sunny smiles with everyone to turning pages, from passing out gospel tracts to helping everyone get to their tables for lunch when we're finished.

Here are the songs we'll be singing this month as we celebrate Thanksgiving and prepare our hearts for Christmas: 

• We Gather Together
• Come, Ye Thankful People, Come
• Now Thank We All Our God  
• Great Is Thy Faithfulness
• Come Thou Almighty King 
• Faith of Our Fathers  
• O God, Our Help in Ages Past
• Holy, Holy, Holy
• Rejoice, Ye Pure in Heart
• It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
• O Little Town of Bethlehem
• O Holy Night 

We sing different hymns each month, sometimes focusing on special themes. For instance, every year we spend an hour or two or three singing songs that feature heaven prominently, such as these: 

• Abide with Me 
• Rock of Ages 
• In the Sweet By and By
• Sweet Beulah Land 
• Be Thou My Vision 
• Be Still, My Soul 
• It Is Well with My Soul 
• Hallelujah! What a Savior! 
• Finally Home
• Shall We Gather at the River 
• How Great Thou Art 
• Beyond the Sunset

It's quite a popular event; we usually have anywhere about one-third of the home's residents in attendance. Not many of us sing very well, but we certainly know how to make a joyful noise unto God! 

If you're intrigued and have questions about developing such a program in your community, perhaps I can help; don't hesitate to drop me a note. 

If you are seeking God, and there’s something you don’t quite understand, don’t simply walk away. Instead, get in the boat with Jesus, and you’ll have nothing to fear!
 
This was the advice Chris Carrillo shared with a terrific crowd of residents and their families who gathered for the October Christian Music Hour at Care-age of Brookfield. If you have a few minutes to spare, why not listen to his message, based on the events recorded in Mark 4 and 5? You will be blessed!   ​

Want to hear more from Chris? You'll find some of his very best messages on our Messages from Chris Carrillo page. 

(If you're reading this via email, please click on the headline above and you’ll be taken to the original post, complete with the audio.)

"Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength." -- Betty Friedan

Oh my, here's another thing that good ol’ Betty got wrong. She apparently expressed this profoundly misleading idea without ever having visited a nursing home, and before she fell into great old age herself and died on her 85th birthday.  

Betty, you see, was not only the author of The Feminine Mystique, the book that kicked off modern feminism by purporting to liberate womankind from serving others instead of self. She was also a diehard agnostic and a signer of the Humanist Manifesto II--that influential 1973 declaration featuring an absolute rejection of any sort of God and enthusiastic promotion of unlimited abortion “rights.”
 
Bottom line: Betty was one of the many who have, over the centuries, approached old age in angry denial of eternal life.
 
Talk about a “grave error.”
 
Because if the Bible is correct – and it is, even though so many prefer to deny it – then there’s an eternity awaiting each of us when we leave these earthly bodies behind. And anyone going there without benefit of Jesus Christ is destined to live unhappily everafter. 
 
What those who share Betty's ideas fail to understand is that Jesus is the only true source of women’s liberation – and men’s, for that matter. 
 
What they also miss is the fact that aging is a stark reminder that God’s patience with us will ultimately run out, that we will not be occupying these earthly bodies forever, and that we’d best do some serious research into eternity while we are still capable of doing so.
 
If you have aging loved ones whose spiritual states looks more like Betty’s than the born-again Christian’s, please don’t wait another day. Introduce them to Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation detailed in the Bible. And then beg them to repent and place their trust in Him to have paid the penalty for their sin, in full, on the cross.
 
Those who take your advice will be eternally grateful. Those who don’t – well, at least they will have been warned. 

Two of my favorite people in the world -- Chris Carrillo and Dorothy Hendrix -- after the September 2018 Christian Music Hour at Care-age of Brookfield.  

Volunteering at a nursing home is not for everyone. But oh, if you are among those the Lord is calling for this ministry, you will be rewarded a thousand times over for every second you put into it.
 
Exhibit A: See the photo above.
 
On the left is my friend Chris Carrillo, a computer expert by day, and a preacher extraordinaire on weekends. He’s the Lord’s faithful servant who brings a wonderful, biblical message to the residents of Care-age of Brookfield every month – a message that invariably exhorts and encourages everyone within earshot, but especially the residents for whom he has tailored his insights. (For a sampling, visit our Messages from Chris Carrillo page.)    
 
On the right is my dear sister in Christ Dorothy Hendrix, who hails from Alabama. Dorothy is giving me a real education in Southern Belle Speak. (For the first couple months I knew her, when she told me that her son had “carried” her to the doctor or out to eat, I pictured him literally picking her up and toting her to the day’s destination. It took me quite a while to figure out that, to a Southern Belle, “carried” means “took” or “brought.”) Always ready to greet you with an encouraging word and a smile as bright as the sun, Dorothy makes your heart grin every time you see her.
 
Chris and Dorothy are just two of the absolutely terrific people I’ve gotten to know at Care-age over the years. I have a digital folder filled with photos of many of them, and one of my favorite ways to spend a spare hour or two is to look through those shots, reminiscing about the times we shared on this earth and anticipating all those joyful reunions “beyond the sunset.”
 
I know beyond any doubt that the Lord has called me to this ministry; it’s the only explanation I can think of for the sheer joy I feel every time I set foot in this facility.
 
Do you think He might be doing the same for you?  
                                                                  
If this brief glimpse into nursing-home volunteerism moves you at all, perhaps there are some equally amazing folks in your future. Check out some of the possibilities here. If any of these ideas appeal to you, or if you have some thoughts of your own on the subject, I do hope you’ll consider calling the Activities Director at a nearby nursing home to see how you might be a blessing to those who live there.