The western institution of marriage certainly seems to be on the rocks these days. For good reason, some would say: After all, why should we sacrifice variety for a legal relationship that is quite likely to be called off by an unhappy spouse? What's the point?  

It’s true that many young people still follow the traditional paths of marriage and family. But their numbers are dwindling. According to a recent analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data, by 2016 the marriage rate among the 64-and-under crowd had dropped to a record low of 48.6%; and the rate of never-marrieds in this age group had jumped from 26% to 36% in the quarter century since 1990.  

Fortunately, there’s still one group around to tell us what marriage is all about, and why it’s so critically important to us personally and to our society in general: the men and women occupying today’s nursing homes.

In 18 years of getting to know scores of these elderly folk, I have come across four women who never married, and one who had divorced (after lengthy consultation with her pastor) a physically abusive husband. That’s it. All the others in this mostly female population had been married to one spouse for decades, until death did them part. 

Which is really amazing, considered from the perspective of this era of musical marriage, sex without commitment and feminism exalting career over family. 

I’ve discussed this phenomenon with many elderly men and women over the years. They’ve explained that they view lifelong commitment as more important than momentary happiness, mutual respect as more lasting than fleeting sexual attraction, and raising children as this life's most rewarding and God-approved pursuit.  

Most are both perplexed and troubled by the growing lack of interest in marriage on the part of young people. One woman in particular recently asked what seems to be a pivotal question: “What are they living for?”  

Did the apostle Paul have it right, in his 2 Timothy 3 description of mankind’s “perilous” end-times character? He said the worldly would be “lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,  unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power.”

This sounds about right to me. And I ought to know, having lived the mantra of money, materialism, pleasure and success until I met Jesus Christ at age 48. What's more, I can’t say that I’ve seen anything but an intensification of this self-obsessed drumbeat since then. 

Fortunately, the old – and highly biblical – way of doing marriage is still alive today, at least in a remnant of our population. And we can still learn about its beauty and grace from those who lived through the last decades of its dominance in our culture, simply by visiting elderly nursing home residents.

Why not put such an interview on next week’s To Do list? Those you visit will appreciate your interest, and you’re bound to learn some valuable lessons about the institutions that made America great in the first place. 

Bitterness is one of the spiritual issues addressed in The Song of Sadie Sparrow. Here's a sneak preview.

​
Elise Chapelle
Tuesday, March 20
 
With Papi safely tucked away in the movie theater, Elise retreated to his room to finish her assignment for tonight’s class. Lucy was showing Fail-Safe today, another one of his favorites; she would never understand the male taste in cinema, but she was grateful to have some peace and quiet. His room was as silent as a tomb even when CNAs were laughing and carrying on right outside the door.

After weeks of intense work, she’d finally finished her website’s main pages a few days ago, including her summaries of the gospel and the evidence for the Bible’s divine inspiration and inerrancy. Now at last she was free to get back to her advice column, and to share Papi’s most excellent guidance on an important topic.

She fired up her laptop, headed straight to her “Advice for the Life-Worn” page, and started typing.
 
Dear Elise,

Can you help me get past my bitterness? It seems like the most important people in my life have betrayed me. Yes, I am loved by, and love, my grandparents who raised me, but my mother abandoned me as a baby, and my boyfriends have used me. I just don’t seem to be able to quit thinking bad things about them. I actually lose sleep over it. 

I know I’m not alone in this. I have seen what it does to people over time, and I don’t want to go there. Help!

Cathy
 
Was that too close for comfort? She didn’t think so, but just in case, she changed “grandparents” to “aunt and uncle” and “boyfriends” to “friends” before starting in on her response.
 
Dear Cathy,

I am so glad you wrote. Bitterness is indeed poison, to us and to those around us, and the Bible instructs us to watch for it and rid ourselves of it just as earnestly as we do wrath and anger and evil speech.

How is the question, isn’t it?
    
Seeing this very problem in my own heart not long ago, a wise old man told me exactly how to deal with it. He advised me to pray for the Lord to rid me of the root of bitterness, and to pray for those who have, in my estimation, been cruel to me. He advised me, in particular, to pray for their salvation, I suppose because it would remind me of what they are facing for all eternity if they don’t repent; and if we have any compassion at all, we would never wish eternal hell on even our worst enemies, would we?

If we are faithful to pray this way for these people, we will see our hearts softening towards them. And as this old man said to me, “the root of bitterness will die. It needs a hardened heart to thrive.”

And you know what? It works, especially when you take your concordance and spend some time meditating on the passages that talk about bitterness. And it is so liberating—I will be forever grateful to the one who gave me this advice, helping me to see beyond my stubborn anger all the way to eternity.

Blessings,

Elise 
 
Not bad, she thought as she read it over. Straightforward and easy to follow.

She wondered if Ms. Slocum would gain anything from this letter. From the things she’d said to her class here and there, especially about co-workers and clients, Sandra struck her as a singularly bitter person herself.
           
She saved the post and spent some time tweaking her home page before heading out to fetch Papi. 

The Song of Sadie Sparrow, pages 196-198 

Are you a young adult hoping to break into journalism or copywriting? Or an older retiree whose bucket list includes joining the ranks of published authors? Here’s a great way to pursue either goal: sign up to be a volunteer nursing-home biographer.
 
You don’t have to be Ernest Hemingway to write a resident biography. Once the facility’s Activities Director has paired you up with a few interested residents, you simply need to ask lots of questions, take good notes, and then compose brief synopses of each one’s life.
 
You’ll be amazed at how much you will learn in every interview. And what a blessing you will be to your subjects!
 
Here’s how the 86-year-old heroine of The Song of Sadie Sparrow felt in the wake of her first interview with Activities Assistant Meg, official biographer of a fictional nursing home called The Hickories:

• “It was really no big deal, girls,” she told her friends, borrowing one of daughter Dana’s favorite phrases. “No big deal at all.”
•                                     
• But it was a big deal, and Sadie knew it. Her new friends had given her a lift, no question about that. But she knew she couldn’t count on any of them long-term; old people die and their young loved ones disappear forever, even after promising to visit you soon. She’d already been here long enough to see it happen more than once. But Meg’s biography-in-progress was different. It had begun changing her attitude from the moment they’d scheduled this first interview, especially once Meg had given her the interview questions.
•                                       
• It was amazing, really. It had always been Sadie’s policy to advise complainers to count their blessings. Yet she’d apparently not done a good job of counting her own, as depressed as she’d felt since moving in to The Hickories. But when she started pondering the questions that Meg planned to pose—questions about her late husband Ed and their life together, about Dana and her family, about Sadie’s best memories and even the worst—it was as if the Lord were playing a movie about her life. And even if it wasn’t a magnificent movie, populated by beautiful people, places, and things, it starred people who loved each other, living with all their needs met in a humble but well-kept house.
•                                       
• It had been, she realized, a happy story about a solid American family living out solid American values. So what if there hadn’t been more children? And so what if it wasn’t ending quite the way she’d envisioned, living with Dana’s family as a beloved grandma? Short of that idyllic (and quite possibly romanticized) scenario, you really couldn’t beat The Hickories as a place to spend your last days.


• --The Song of Sadie Sparrow, pages 81-82

 
As biographer to the elderly, you can help them gain all-important perspective on their lives and the joys they’ve experienced over the decades – and perhaps see their hearts overflow with gratitude as they reflect on the blessings they’ve enjoyed.
 
To make the process even more fun, you can ask your subjects to provide a few of their favorite snapshots to illustrate their life stories. As long as you have access to a scanner – at the facility, at home, or at a local photo service center – you’ll be able to insert them easily into the final files.  Whether that means simple Word documents or multi-page booklets complete with gripping titles and cover art, you’ll be creating pieces that your subjects’ families will treasure for many years to come.
 
In fact, these biographies would make great birthday or Christmas gifts for your elderly friends to give to family and friends – all at no cost, an important consideration for anyone living in a nursing home.

What's more, if you're looking to make a career out of writing, this is a terrific way to jump-start your portfolio, which can be key to landing your first position. 
 
Intrigued? Why not call your local nursing-home Activities Director today to explore the possibilities?

If you’re of a certain age, you’ll remember well the Mickey Mouse Club song “Beauty Is as Beauty Does.” Here, for those who don’t know it, is Mouseketeer Doreen singing it with Jimmie Dodd accompanying her. (Reading this via email? You may have to click on the title above to see the video clip.)

I thought of this song recently, having once again seen some old snapshots of a drop-dead gorgeous 93-year-old friend. And once again, I was surprised to note that this woman had not been especially pretty when she was young—that she was, in fact, a little homely. Yet somehow this Plain Jane managed to become a great beauty in her old age.
 
Interestingly, she’s far from alone in this. It’s a phenomenon I’ve observed a number of times over the last two decades.
 
Is there a common denominator? Have they all put on or lost weight? Have they donned appealingly modern duds or hairstyles? Could the secret be some little-known moisturizer or centuries-old beauty routine?
 
Apparently not.
 
But it won’t surprise some of you to learn that all these beauties have been born-again Christians.
 
Surely some were genuine Christians in their younger days, yet their early photos don’t seem to reflect that essential trait. I guess cameras can’t capture the essence of any sort of life, any more than scientists can explain it.
 
Yet God Himself has indwelt each of these women. And perhaps to know one of them, to spend time with her, is to feel His love overflowing from her earthly body. Perhaps to speak with her is, in some supernatural way, to see His presence in her, to get a glimpse of her Creator, living and vital and beckoning all to embrace Him as this woman has. And maybe that’s why they are, in person, so incredibly beautiful even in great old age.
 
We’ve been taught since childhood that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe that’s true, for anyone who has eyes to see. And maybe Mouseketeer Doreen is right, too. Like all of us, these women are far from perfect as long as they dwell in this fallen world; they have been redeemed by the blood of Christ, not by good deeds. But as committed Christians, they have all done their best to emulate their Savior. And what could be more beautiful than that?

If you'd like to join them, here's a good place to start. 

 There are two kinds of Christian in this world.
 
There are those who believe, and those who believe in.
 
There are those who acknowledge, and those who trust.
 
There are those who believe there was, and those who believe there is.
 
There are hearers and doers. Pretenders and true.
 
Which are you?
 
 And where will you spend forever?
 
If you want to know that you are heaven-bound, please listen to and consider this powerful message from Chris Carrillo. He delivered it during the Care-age of Brookfield Christian Music Hour on 4/29/18.
 
It’s just fourteen minutes, but its impact may be eternal. ​

Would you like to hear more from Chris? Visit our Messages from Chris Carrillo page!

If you are reading this via email, please click on the title above to be taken to the message. ​

One of my great joys in life is leading a weekly, hour-long Bible Discussion at the nursing home where I volunteer. It’s not exactly Standing Room Only, but we have a core group of around seven long-term-care residents who attend each week, along with those who join us when they feel up to it. We also welcome the occasional rehab patient who’ll be heading home in a few days or weeks; I’d like to expand this outreach, since it’s one of those limited-time opportunities, so that’s something to work on in the future.
 
But in the meantime, I’m glad to point out that there are two common denominators in this truly diverse group of people: All believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, and most have never studied the Bible.
 
Might you be interested in leading such a group?

There's no right or wrong way to do it, I suppose, beyond being faithful to the word of God. I’m still refining our format, having taken on this assignment only a few months ago. But what seems to be working well is varying each week’s content to include:

• An essay or two on a particular topic of interest to the group, especially to address a question that a member recently raised
• An introduction to the Bible passages we’ll be taking a look at today
• Reading of those passages
• Commentary on the key points of this study
• Open discussion about what we’ve just read or about any other biblical or spiritual issue of interest to one or more attendees
• A closing prayer featuring a gospel summary

 
This week, for example, the agenda included:

• Talking about Jesus’ predictions of persecution of the saints, and how that is currently playing out in nations from Turkey and Saudi Arabia to Laos
• Touching on the upcoming 70th anniversary of Israel’s re-establishment as a state on May 14th, the groundbreaking events scheduled for that day, and the uncanny accuracy of the Bible’s predictions about what has transpired in Israel since 1948
• A discussion of our culture’s “days of Noah” indifference to the things of God, just as Jesus predicted in Matthew 25, and reading of an essay addressing one aspect of this phenomenon
• Delving into the life of Abraham as we work our way through Genesis, starting with an introduction from the late Dr. Henrietta C. Mears’ 1953 book What the Bible Is All About (an excellent resource, recommended by my friend Tess)
• Reading selected passages from Genesis 12-22, including of course the offering of Isaac
• Considering the issue of whether God sanctions the killing of women and children

 
We based this last point largely on a short Ray Comfort essay underscoring the need for looking beyond the surface facts of any situation.  (This brilliant little essay appears, along with scores of other wonderful commentaries, in The Evidence Bible mentioned at the bottom of this link. What a terrific tool this book is!)
 
Does this sound like something you’d be interested in doing at your local nursing home? If so, why not give it some thought, and approach the facility’s Activities Director with your proposal? If there’s already a Bible Discussion underway, you could offer to help out with it, maybe by arriving early to gather attendees and staying late to bring them back to their rooms. And during each session, you could stand by with your Bible and a concordance to help the leader address any questions that come up.
 
It still takes me some hours to put together each week’s line-up. But even if I never manage to reduce this preparation time, it’ll be worth it; there’s nothing more rewarding than sharing the word of God with fellow believers who are eager to learn more about where we came from, what we’re doing here and where we’re going. I hope you’ll give it some thought today!

If the statistics can be believed, they’re pretty shocking: 18% of U.S. adults reportedly suffer from anxiety disorders – including “general anxiety disorder,” characterized by persistent, excessive, and unrealistic worry about everyday things.
 
I suppose that’s understandable for secularists of all stripes, given the sad state of today’s world. But it really shouldn’t be an issue for those who profess to be followers of Jesus Christ. After all, He has commanded us not to fret 365 times in the pages of the Bible; shouldn’t we obey Him?
 
It's true that, now and then, I find myself back on my pre-salvation worry treadmill. But the Holy Spirit has given me a new line of thinking to pursue – one that almost invariably sends my fears packing.  Perhaps you’ll find it helpful.
 
Whenever I find myself worrying about a particular trial, I talk to God about the situation, casting my care upon Him because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). I then meditate on a few simple truths:  

1. God is sovereign over His entire creation – including every last cell in my body and every circumstance I face. He understands my situation perfectly. And He has everything under complete control, ready to serve His good and perfect purposes.
2. He has promised to make all things work together for good to all who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) – and that would include me. I have seen this happen time and time again in my own life, and in the lives of Christian friends. It helps to review some of these remarkable events from His point of view, and to remember how disastrous they seemed initially from our limited human perspective.
3. I can’t know what blessing He has in store for me through this trial; I can be sure He does, however. So I ask Him not to remove the trial but for His will to be accomplished through it. And I try very hard to mean it every time.
4. He has already told me how to handle such fears, and I need only recall His instructions. Philippians 4:6-7 is often a great place to start: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
5. He has also shown me the big picture of His lifelong care for me, especially via Psalm 23. I love to think through every word and phrase of this beloved little chapter, drawing on the insights provided by the late Phillip Keller in his precious book, A Shepherd Looks at the 23rd Psalm.  

 
I have yet to emerge from this meditation without feeling great spiritual refreshment – and welcome freedom from whatever was worrying me in the first place.

"When we die, we leave behind all that we have, and take with us all that we are."

I don't know who said it, or even if it's true. But it's certainly worth pondering. Would you want to spend eternity with the person you are today? 
​
Perhaps a good place to start is with our thought lives. Are we often preoccupied with thinking that could be characterized as “hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions” or any of the other "works of the flesh" listed by the apostle Paul in Galatians 5?

If so, now is the perfect time to repent and trust in Christ, and to let our souls be permeated by the fruits of the Spirit that Paul named in the same chapter: "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control" (Galatians 5:22). 

These sound like traits I could live with not only in the here and now, but also forevermore. How about you?