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Will they miss you when you're gone?

3/27/2019

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Over the last almost two decades of hanging out with the very elderly, I’ve found that there are two basic kinds of people at life’s end—those who’ve tended their spiritual needs and those who haven’t.
 
The former tend to be peaceful and content, no matter how physically handicapped they may be, or how sick, or how alone. They are an inspiration to us young ‘uns, and a joy to visit. And when they’ve gone on ahead, they are remembered often and missed greatly.
 
The latter, on the other hand—those who have no use for the spiritual—tend to be chronically sad, lonely, crabby, complaining, bored, and often clinging tearfully to their once-active pasts. It’s a recipe for despair. And I see a lot of it—more and more as the years go by, which is no doubt a reflection of our culture’s increasing embrace of the material world and growing neglect of the spiritual.
 
The ancient Greek philosophers posed three very important questions whose answers may predict which category you’re likely to fall into should you live to a ripe old age:

  1. Where did you come from?
  2. What are you doing here?
  3. Where are you going?
 
If you’re Christian, you’ll be able to answer all three quickly, and with great certainty. And whether you’ve been a member of that blessed group for 50 hours or 50 years, your assurance should land you solidly in the first group of people on the cusp of eternity—those who’ve tended their spiritual needs, and are therefore peaceful and content.
 
If you are not Christian, you may be able to answer these questions with a little guesswork and a lot of wishful thinking. Or perhaps you’ll be stumped. Either way, you may be headed for the second group of old folk—those who are sad, lonely, crabby, complaining, bored, and clinging to the past.
 
That’s my prediction, at any rate, based on many years of observation.
 
But there’s good news even for the despairing, because it’s never too late to change your tune. If you’d like to know for sure where you came from, what you’re doing here, and where you’re going, simply ask the Lord to save you. There are no magic words; just pray a prayer something like this one:
 
Dear God,
I know that I am a sinner and that I cannot save myself. Instead, I repent of all my sin, trust in You as my Lord and Savior, and gratefully receive Your free gift of eternal life. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for dying on the cross in payment for my sin and for rising from the dead to defeat death once and for all. Please cleanse me of my iniquity and make me Yours forevermore. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

 
When you pray something like this from your heart, the Lord will instantly forgive you and grant you everlasting life. Congratulations—you are irrevocably heaven-bound!
 
Then, set your heart on growing in your new faith. Begin studying the Bible, turning first to the New Testament gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. And if possible, find a mature Christian to disciple you. Not that these things are necessary for salvation; they are not. But they’ll go a long way towards assuring you of peace and contentment in this life, and transforming you into the sort of old person who’ll be greatly missed when you go on ahead. 
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Guest Post: Four ways church can help fight dementia

3/19/2019

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By Christian Worstell 
Do you have a loved one who’s battling Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia? If so, he or she may benefit greatly from the warm and loving fellowship available at worship services or at other church activities such as Bible studies or hymn sings. Events like these are a great way to help your loved one rediscover hope, find new meaning for his or her life and seek the Creator’s love and will.
 
Attendance at such events may also provide some relief from, or actually delay the worsening of, the symptoms of dementia.
 
Here are four ways that church-related events can be beneficial to your loved one.

1. Church is a place to socialize.

Whether it’s held in a traditional church or at the facility where your loved one is now living, a worship service is at least in part a social event. Catching up with old friends and meeting new ones in such a socially stimulating environment can play an important role in the life of someone suffering from dementia.
 
Socializing with others helps to prevent the feelings of isolation, loneliness and depression that can be an issue for all seniors, but especially the cognitively impaired. It can also promote improved brain function by helping your loved one to focus on thoughts and conversation, while strengthening his or her connections to time and place.
 
Just as important, research shows that socialization can slow down the progression of memory loss for people with Alzheimer’s.

2. Church offers a routine.

A regular, established routine can help calm and reassure someone with dementia. A church service that begins at the same time each week means getting out of bed, getting dressed, having something to eat and traveling to a familiar place down the hall or across town – all on a consistent schedule. Afterwards, you can offer a regular meal or some other post-service activity.
 
Routines can enhance both long-term memory and procedural memory--how we like to do things. Dementia generally attacks short-term memory first, leaving procedural and long-term memories in place. As a result, many people suffering from cognitive decline are able to remember their routines with surprising accuracy, and frequent attendance at church events can help support their memories.
 
Such routines also help alleviate the stress and anxiety of not knowing what to expect, a frequent problem for those suffering from dementia.

3. A church community can offer plenty of help.

A place of worship is also a place of community. Senior adults battling dementia don’t always get enough of the support they need—even when they’re living in a long-term-care facility.
 
What better place than a church full of loving and compassionate people to find people willing to assist with chores, transportation, or frequent fellowship? After all, Christians have been charged with visiting “orphans and widows in their trouble” (James 1:27), and many are looking for an opportunity or invitation to fulfill that responsibility.

4. Going to church can help you cope.

A dementia diagnosis can be as difficult for you as it is for your loved one. But sharing in faith-based activities can help you both manage your feelings while sharing your confidence in the joyful eternity awaiting all believers.
 
Not surprisingly, there’s scientific evidence to back that up. Numerous studies reveal that faith and spiritual practices have helped people find hope even in the face of cognitive loss and physical suffering.   
 
If you care about someone battling dementia, consider inviting him or her to a church service or other event in the near future—at your church, perhaps, or wherever that person lives. After all, joining a Christian community has a way of changing lives in more ways than one.  

Christian Worstell writes about senior health and lifestyle topics for TZ Health Media and is a frequent contributor to MedicareAdvantage.com and MedicareSupplement.com among others.
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Difficult truths

3/12/2019

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Quite some time ago, I participated in an excellent women’s Bible study at my church, a study using Jerry Bridge’s Respectable Sins. It’s a most interesting, enlightening, eye-opening and convicting book, and it persuaded my spirit of some critical truths – for instance:

  • The Lord sovereignly controls the events in our lives for His own perfect purposes.
  • He makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. 
  • It is counter-productive to try to fight ourselves out of difficult circumstances, because He is using them for our ultimate benefit. 

I won’t spoil the book by telling you any more. But I do recommend it highly. Its teachings are solidly biblical, very well-done, easy to process, and extremely persuasive. 

They are not revolutionary, however. Besides being frequent themes in the Bible, they are among the messages that Katharina A. von Schlegel conveyed in her wonderful 1752 hymn “Be Still My Soul”: 

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend


Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Singing this hymn always makes me think of the daily trials faced by my friends at the nursing home – trials such as sometimes having to wait, and wait, and wait some more, for help from a busy aide who’s currently occupied with another resident. 

Is even this circumstance orchestrated, or allowed, by the Lord? 

Apparently so. 

For what reason? 

Could it be to teach us patience? Mercy? The infinite superiority of eternity in heaven?

Beats me. But it seems like this would be a subject worth exploring with an elderly person who belongs to Jesus. He or she may have some invaluable wisdom to share on the subject – wisdom just as life-changing as any we’ll ever find in even the best books, outside of the Bible itself.
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A glimpse into my friends' lives

3/5/2019

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For a number of years, I’ve been spending some time before bed with novels published in the early 1900s. That means, for the most part, slowly devouring the novels of Kathleen Thompson Norris, the best-selling female author of the first half of the 20th century and my mother’s favorite writer. 

Most of Norris’s books were billed as romances, which is not a genre I’ve ever enjoyed. But they’re nothing like today’s romances. There is no sex, for one thing, no divorce or adultery or violence. Instead, character development and moral awakening reign. Although these stories are not overtly Christian, they rely heavily on Judeo-Christian values: Bad behavior is invariably punished, while good behavior is ultimately rewarded. And interestingly, although each heroine’s eventual love interest may claim a share of her thoughts, she’s rarely obsessed with him; she has other things to worry about, from family responsibilities to paying next month’s rent. 

In fact, money – or a terrifying lack of it – is usually a major theme in these books. 

I’d heard about the grinding poverty of that era, of course. For example, both my parents lived in rented rooms when they were in college in the heart of the Great Depression, and both made it through school entirely by the grace of God, my mother insisted. But Norris does an amazing job of conveying what it was like to actually live under such circumstances. And she shows the other side of economic reality as well – usually demonstrating that money cannot possibly buy happiness.

One of the reasons I love these books is that they give me a glimpse into the lives of my nursing-home friends during their formative years. I now have an inkling of  what it must have been like to trust one’s parents implicitly, for instance, even as the money was running out – and to feel those first pangs of doubt that relief was really awaiting them next week, or next month. And I have a better understanding of the factors that influenced their most important life decisions, from choosing a husband to caring for their own aging parents.  

And because I’ve browsed through so many of my elderly friends' photo albums from that era, my reading is greatly enriched: When I read Norris’s often lengthy descriptions of people and places, I can easily picture the characters’ clothing and carriages, homes and furnishings. I can see, in my mind’s eye, the room that an entire family shared while Papa sought work, and picture a garden bursting with the blooms of old-fahioned lilacs and spirea and other shrubs long forgotten by us oh-so-sophisticated modern gardeners. 

I recently dove into a 1927 book by my mother’s second-favorite author, Anne Parrish. It’s called Tomorrow Morning, and so far it’s a lovely description of what it was like to be the happiest of homemakers a century ago. But trouble looms: the young heroine’s husband is very ill, and it’s apparent she will soon be a widow. How will she survive, with a little boy to raise on her own, no readily marketable skills, and no government programs to fall back on? I’m looking forward to finding out – and to comparing notes with a dear elderly friend whose own mother experienced precisely these challenges in the years leading up to the Depression.

If you’re interested in discovering such literary gems for yourself, be sure to look for early editions. Many of these novels have been reprinted in recent decades, and rumor has it that they’ve been “updated” to suit modern tastes. I shudder to think what that might mean. 

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    Kitty
    Foth-Regner

    I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a freelance copywriter, a nursing-home volunteer, and the author of books both in-process and published -- including
    Heaven Without Her.

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