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How elderly Christians view death

5/25/2016

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I didn’t get it at the time, but I do now. Once again, my aging mother was right, as this excerpt from Heaven Without Her demonstrates.

“My first inkling of my mother’s new way of thinking about death came on the heels of a shocking phone call that came into my home office one morning in the late ‘90s. It was from the younger daughter of Arlene, one of my mother’s few life-long soul mates. It was horrible news, she said tearfully: Her mom had died, would we please come to Madison for the funeral? 

“I was petrified: How could I possibly break this to my own mother? She would be devastated!

“The news was too awful to deliver over the phone. I set aside my work and dragged myself over to the nursing home, trying desperately to think of the best way to tell her.

“’Brace yourself’ sounded about right; it had worked for Mr. Evans, after all, when he told me about my father. And then, quickly: ‘Arlene has died.’

“But it didn’t play out at all the way I had envisioned.

“I found my mother in her bathroom combing her hair, getting ready to head down to the dining room. She was surprised to see me – and not a little frightened once she saw my expression.

“’What’s wrong?’ she asked in that quick, quiet tone we use when we fear the worst. 

“Whereupon I knelt down next to her wheelchair and burst into tears, making it awfully difficult for me to give her the news about Arlene. But give it, I did.

“Mom’s reaction shocked me into silence.

“’Oh, I’m so happy for her,’ she said, smiling and gazing dreamily at the ceiling. ‘Dear Arlene – home with George at last.’

“I was speechless.

“I don’t know if we sat there like this for five seconds or five minutes, but finally she noticed me. 

“’Oh, sweet Kitty,’ she said, touching my cheek with one soft hand, ‘you’ll understand one day. At least I hope you will.’

“Understand what?” I said crossly. ‘Your friend dies and you’re happy? What iswrong with you?’

“She sighed and shook her head. ‘There’s not much left for us here – of course, there are our children and grandchildren, but you all have your own lives. I honestly can’t wait –‘

“’Don’t you dare say that’ I hissed. ‘I will not listen!’ And I left, still in tears, not even willing to give this cruel mother of mine a ride to the dining room, waiting until our phone call later that night to apologize and make plans for taking her to Arlene’s funeral. 

“Her attitude did not change in the months that followed, as the daughters of other old friends called me, one after another, to announce their own mothers’ deaths. Invariably, they said they were calling me instead of my mother because they thought I should deliver the news myself, in person, to soften the blow. 

“I did not tell any of them that my mother would most likely greet the news with joy.” (From Heaven Without Her, pp 151-152)
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Even the most good-for-nothing dog can be good for this!

5/19/2016

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As our worlds get smaller and smaller with age, one of the saddest things can be realizing that we'll never again enjoy the daily love and companionship of a dog -- at least not in this life.

But we on the outside can help alleviate that loss by bringing our own pups in to visit nursing-home residents. 

Some facilities have fairly stringent requirements about the dogs they welcome for such visits, including the need for Canine Good Citizen certification. With good reason: A dog who jumps up on people can do some real damage to people with unsteady feet and fragile skin.  

To see if yours might qualify for this formal certification, check out this AKC-recommended video demonstrating the required training. There's nothing spectacular about it -- all of these skills should be part of a basic obedience regimen at any good training school. (For those in Milwaukee or Honolulu, I highly recommend sound, solid and well-established Amiable Dog Training. It's owned and operated by Amy Ammen, my co-author and the brains behind the fabulous book Hip Ideas for Hyper Dogs.) 

A housekeeping tip: If your dog is an emotional wetter, you might want to look into canine diapers. Our cocker spaniel sports a spiffy turquoise "nappy wrap" when he goes visiting; it makes people laugh and eliminates the fear and distraction of soiling. 

Dogs aren't the only critters capable of bringing joy to the elderly. Cats can make good visitors, too, if they're lazy lap-sitters who don't really care who's doing the petting. And horses can be the most exciting of all: Some kind-hearted cowboys once brought a couple of beautiful Arabians to the nursing home where I hang out, giving many of the residents the thrill of their golden years.

Updated from a 4/28/14 post
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"Do not cast me off"

5/12/2016

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There’s nothing new under the sun, King Solomon assured his readers in the first chapter of Ecclesiastes.  And indeed, stories of children rebelling against, abusing and abandoning their parents seem to be almost as old as time. 
 
“Honor your father and mother …” may be the fifth of the Lord’s commandments delivered in Exodus 20, but it’s the first to instruct us on our relationships with each other, rather than with Him. 
 
Does that imply that it’s more important than His commandments against murdering, committing adultery, stealing, lying, and coveting? Or might it imply that it’s foundational to commandments six through ten? 
 
“Do not cast me off in the time of old age; do not forsake me when my strength fails.” 
 
This petition from King David’s Psalm 71 was directed at God Himself, but it could have been addressed by an elderly parent to his or her children. And it’s a common plea today, even if it’s often left unspoken by parents who have learned that it does no good, and may even turn indifference into hostility. 
 
In some cases, these mothers and fathers are still living on their own; in others, they’re kenneled in facilities where not even the most loving staff can make up for a family’s neglect. The common denominator: an unmet longing to be included in the lives of children and grandchildren who acknowledge them only on special occasions. 
 
And it can get worse: Some children have nothing to do with their parents; they refuse to even send a card at Christmas, or call to acknowledge a milestone birthday. This may seem unbelievable, but check it out: There are a growing number of books and websites out there to help abandoned parents cope with this loss.  
 
Psychiatrists have even given it a name: “Parental alienation syndrome.” It often seems to follow in the wake of divorce, but not always; sometimes we kids are just too wrapped up in our own lives to be bothered with mothers or fathers who have outlived their usefulness.

“In the last days, perilous times will come.” 
 

In his second letter to his protégé Timothy, the apostle Paul listed 18 characteristics of people in earth’s dangerous last days. Here are the first six: “lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents.” 
 
Disobedient to parents?
 
Think that means only those out-of-control kids at the next table at your favorite restaurant? Or might it also refer to children of all ages who treat their parents with disrespect and disobedience? 
 
And, increasingly, with something more chilling than disrespect and disobedience, more chilling even than neglect and abandonment. Witness the rapid growth of elderly euthanasia in Europe; we’re already seeing the early stages of it in the United States. 
 
Of course, active euthanasia is only needed for those stubborn old folk who linger on and on, refusing to die. For the rest, there’s always the withholding of medical care. Higher co-pays and fewer benefits are on the way for senior Americans. And it’s not difficult to see that reimbursement cuts will lead to even more doctors opting out of accepting Medicare patients – this, just as the elderly population begins to swell with the arrival of us Baby Boomers.
 
Lower supply and higher demand ordinarily means higher prices. But not when Uncle Sam has slapped on price controls and the demand is unrelenting; in that case, the supply is bound to suffer, both in quantity and quality. 
  
“Even to your old age, I am He.”

 One thing has not changed, however, and will never change. 
 
“Even to your old age, I am He,” the prophet Isaiah quotes the Lord as saying in chapter 46 of his Old Testament book. “And even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you.”
 
The God who created this universe and everything in it has always been our only hope. A fair proportion of today’s nursing-home population acknowledges this fact; I have run into relatively few who deny Him entirely, anyway.
 
But I tremble to think what the situation will be a decade or two from now, as the newly elderly take their place, with relatively few even certain of His existence, and their children and grandchildren living in blissful ignorance of the divine command to honor their parents.  
 
In Galatians 6, the apostle Paul warned, “whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” Perhaps there’s an application here for today’s parents: If you want your children to  acknowledge you in your old age, it would be wise to sow the word of God in their hearts today.

Adapted from a 2/22/14 post

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It's never too late

5/6/2016

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My friend Karen just came across a poem that she wrote for her mother many Mays ago, and has graciously allowed me to share it with you, dear readers.  This Mother's Day, please join me in praying for all the moms who have yet to receive the Lord Jesus Christ, thereby ensuring themselves of a joyful eternity with our Creator. 
​

A MOTHER’S DAY POEM
By Karen Glass

 
Mom, please come to church with me;
I like it very much!
 
We learn about God and kindness
And Jesus healing touch.
 
They care about me in many ways
Especially my precious soul.
 
Did you know that Jesus died for me
In order to make me whole
 
You see Jesus is God’s precious Son,
God sent from Heaven above.
 
God had a plan to rescue me
It called for perfect love
 
Jesus was born to die on the cross
To save me from my sin.
 
He bled and died, and rose again
A wonderful victory to win.
 
Who could refuse a gift like that?
Not me…so what I did.
 
I got on my knees and talked to God
And confessed my wicked sin.
 
“Jesus, would you wash me clean;
and make me white as snow?”
 
“Would you enter my heart and keep me that
and never let me go?”
 
God never answered me in words, like you,
But He speaks through the Bible just the same.
 
He says, “Whosoever will may come,”
And in my heart He came.
 
So Mom, since it’s Mother’s Day,
Please take God’s gift; it’s free!
 
Then when you die you’ll go to Heaven
And be waiting there for me.

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Lil: a consecrated life

5/4/2016

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In Sunday school this week, our amazing teacher and pastor taught us from scripture what it means to consecrate our lives to the Lord – to set ourselves apart in service to Him, because we belong to Him. 
 
This study has made me reflect on the people I’ve known who have led consecrated lives – a line of thinking that led me straight to a wonderful woman named Lil.

Lil was 98 when I met her at the nursing home, and was just three months short of 100 when she died, eagerly and peacefully, in a local hospital, a few months after being baptized at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wisconsin. (Alas, she was not immersed in the enormous pond as a dozen others were. Getting her down to the site was challenge enough; immersing her would have been almost impossible. But there’s no doubt that the Lord saw her submission to a good dousing, following her heartfelt testimony to a huge crowd of witnesses, as “an appeal to [Him] for a good conscience,” as the apostle Peter put it in 1 Peter 3.)
 
Having been saved at age 17, when she responded to an altar call in her family’s church, Lil had never gotten around to believer’s baptism over the decades. In fact, she had not quite put the Lord on the throne of her heart for many years. 
 
But when she did, look out! I doubt that the Lord has had many bolder, or more courageous, evangelists in His army. 
 
By the time I met her, Lil was confined to her wheelchair. And the blindness that had begun at least a decade earlier had by then closed her eyes completely to the things of this world. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she was so on fire for the Lord – she was  no longer distracted by the material world. 
 
It didn’t matter who you were – friend or stranger, nurse or aide, purveyor of orthopedic shoes or relative of her latest roommate. You couldn’t walk into her room without eventually being quizzed about your relationship with Jesus, and being prayed for, and receiving one of the tracts that her many friends kept her supplied with. But she did it all with such joy and love and giggle-filled humor that I don’t imagine she offended anyone but the most dour atheist. 
 
And once she knew you, she made you feel like you were her best friend in the world. How I miss hearing her cry “Kitty! I’ve been waiting for you!” when I hurried to her room each week, my heart leaping with happiness at the sight of her. 
 
Lil’s enthusiasm for my visits was genuine; there was not an untruthful bone in that old body of hers. But it was fascinating to find out how many others felt exactly the same way about their relationships with her. There must have been 200-300 people at her funeral – exponentially more than I’ve seen at any of the other funerals I’ve attended over the last decade. Not that this made her a better person than any of the others, or more loved by those closest to her. But it was certainly a good indicator of how important she made us feel, how essential we each knew we had been to her happiness.  
 
Lil’s funeral opened with a video of her giving her Christian testimony, taped a decade earlier. In fact, the entire event was as Christ-centered as she had been personally in the last years of her life. If there was any weeping, I didn’t hear it; it’s impossible to be overwhelmed by sorrow when you know, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that your dear friend has simply gone on ahead, to meet her Lord and Savior face to face. 
 
I for one am looking forward to joining her one happy day, to seeing this consecrated life of hers translated into its heavenly presence. I like to think that when I see my dear Lil, I will once again hear her happy cry: “Kitty! I’ve been waiting for you!”

Originally posted 11/19/13 

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    Kitty
    Foth-Regner

    I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a freelance copywriter, a nursing-home volunteer, and the author of books both in-process and published -- including
    Heaven Without Her.

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