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True love

7/27/2017

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"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

One of the most memorable afternoons I've ever experienced at "my" nursing home was spent sitting in the facility's lovely courtyard with a group of long-term residents, all women. It was a delightful time of fellowship with people who have only one major thing in common -- the fact of having likely reached the last stop in long lives, well lived. 

If I had to sum up what I witnessed that afternoon in just a couple of words, it would be just this: agape love.

One of the things that struck me, for instance, was how compassionate these people are, how forgiving of each other's limitations. 

For example, one dear woman repeated herself, again and again. No one pointed it out; instead, they responded as if they were hearing her comments for the first time, every time. This patience didn't hurt them one bit, and it made the speaker feel that she was contributing to the conversation. Perhaps they're all simply good-hearted; perhaps they are all too aware that they may well be doing the same thing a month or two down the road. The motive doesn't always matter when the outcome is charitable.

Another very sweet woman was having a terrible time completing any sentences. The others stepped in to help her find the words she was looking for; their interest and assistance were obviously very welcome. 

Then the group began complimenting this same woman on how attentive and devoted to her well-being her children are. They agreed, one and all, that she is among the most fortunate and beloved of all. 

She beamed.  

Joining us halfway through our time together was a 70-something man who'd been there for months recovering from major surgery. He is an amazing fellow -- I don't believe I've known another resident like him in the years I've been hanging out at this place. He's not simply friendly to his elders in the "hi, how are you?" sense; he treats them all as his companions and contemporaries. 

This man actively engages even the shyest residents in conversation. He remembers to ask follow-up questions about the events of their lives, from a bout with a cold to a child's job search. He teases many of them -- something that seems to be pretty rare in a nursing-home setting. He talks with them about a wide range of topics, including current events and spirituality; he never equates great age with stupidity. And indeed, lively conversation seems to ensue whenever he shows up.  

Agape love is, among other things, unconditional and self-sacrificing, patient and kind and utterly devoid of pride. And it's just what I saw in overdrive in the courtyard that unforgettable afternoon. What treasure! And it's available to anyone who can find a little time to spare for these wonderful old folk. 
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​“Out and about with your loved one”

7/17/2017

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Here’s a wonderful article by musician, writer, and speaker Marcia Washburn. The subject: Taking an aged loved one out on the town for shopping or meals.
 
It’s an important topic for anyone with an elderly parent, relative or friend. After all, Marcia writes, “unless our loved one is bed-bound, he or she will probably want to get out of the house now and then, too.” She then provides some excellent suggestions and idea starters garnered from her extensive experience in caring for her own aging elderly.
 
It isn’t always easy, Marcia admits, especially with the disabled. But “they will thank you for it, even if they no longer can find the words. And very likely they will sleep soundly that night after all of the excitement (and so will you).”
 
Want to contact the author? You’ll find her at www.marciawashburn.com. 
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Need a shoulder to cry on?

7/12/2017

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There may be times in our lives when we feel overwhelmed with loneliness, grief, heartache, hopelessness. If you have a loved one who’s dealing with such feelings (or perhaps are going through a difficult period yourself), look to the Bible for the solution.  
 
Here, in a message delivered recently to the residents of Care-age of Brookfield, Chris Carrillo explains how one woman successfully overcame her disappointment and sorrow, with results of eternal significance. It’s the story of Hannah, as told in 1 Samuel.  
 
(If you’re reading this via email, please click on the title above to be taken to the message.)
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High blood pressure, low dementia risk?

7/8/2017

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As reported on this blog some time ago, a study released in 2013 suggested that higher blood pressures might actually reduce the risk of dementia in older people – a potentially eye-popping conclusion, although the authors cautioned that further research would be needed to confirm these findings.
 
Since then, the research community has complied in spades, churning out a number of studies that explore the link between blood pressure and dementia. Fortunately for those of us who don’t love analyzing medical-journal articles, a group of Parisian researchers has sifted through the reports for us.
 
The result is a comprehensive literature review of 39 studies. Its conclusion? “Randomized clinical trials and meta-analyses provided more conflicting results.”
 
While the reviewers added that the discrepancies could possibly be caused by “methodological issues,” one has to wonder: Perhaps there’s no connection between hypertension and dementia. Perhaps these things are all in the hands of our omniscient, omnipotent, perfectly loving and perfectly just Creator, whose purposes are perfect even if our finite little minds are incapable of discerning them.
 
And a corollary: Perhaps we’d be better off thinking a little less about our happiness, peace and comfort during the last leg of our lives and a little more about where we’ll be spending eternity. For this investigation, we need consult just one source, and it will never deliver conflicting results.  
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Calling all drug detectives!

7/5/2017

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If you love an old person, and especially if you’re his or her primary lifeline to the outside world, please make it a point to monitor the medications he or she is taking. And be on the lookout for any changes that might be significant, from weight gain to personality change; you may need to do some research and then go to bat for your beloved.
 
The research part is easy. Just plug each of the drugs into a search engine like Google, add a symptom or two that you’ve noticed, and check out the results. If you’re able to process more technical information, try a medical search engine like www.pubmed.gov or https://scholar.google.com/.
 
Don’t believe everything you find, especially on the non-technical side of the web. But if you come across significant evidence that a drug may be harming your loved one, and if it comes from apparently reliable sources, start building your case: Compile the evidence along with a full list of the medications he or she is currently taking, print it out and highlight the key points for presentation to the doctor in charge.
 
If this physician is less than approachable, or is always pressed for time in today’s drive-through healthcare environment, consider first taking your case to a local pharmacist. (Make an appointment if necessary; pharmacists seem to be even busier than doctors these days and will no doubt appreciate your sensitivity to his or her stress level.) Outline your concerns and what you’ve found out so far. Take careful notes and add them to your evidence document – and then approach the responsible physician with this professional take on the situation.
 
Never assume that having a slew of healthcare providers tending to your loved one is adequate protection against dangerous drug side effects or interactions.
 
Here's an example: My mother had a seizure disorder for which her five-star neurologist often tried new medications. She’d been on just such a “latest and greatest” drug for about a week when she suddenly became extremely dopey. Her nurses and primary-care doctor just shrugged it off. Fortunately, I was freaked out enough to call her neurologist; he demanded that she be sent to the ER immediately, for cold-turkey removal from the drug without the mandatory weaning, because he considered her situation to be life-threatening.
 
That’s just one example; I could cite many more from what I’ve seen over the past 25 years.
 
So if you are a loved one’s court of last resort, remain on high alert for medication issues. Be willing to do the necessary homework. And get ready to sound the alarm far and wide whenever necessary.      
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    Kitty
    Foth-Regner

    I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a freelance copywriter, a nursing-home volunteer, and the author of books both in-process and published -- including
    Heaven Without Her.

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