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The cure for bitterness

10/29/2016

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I am reminded so frequently these days of the futility of trying to live one’s life apart from God – and of the bitterness it often generates, not  only in those living apparently full lives, but also and perhaps especially among those living in long-term care facilities.

Among younger people, it often plays out as frenetic activity – filling every waking moment with earthly purpose from work and socializing to cleaning the house and pursuing every possible form of entertainment. These activities give them a sense of purpose, goals to work toward, others to compare their achievements to. And, importantly, it eliminates the need to be alone with their thoughts.  

This approach to “God avoidance” can continue into old age. Such individuals may find new outlets for their busy-ness – playing cards or shopping, becoming certifiable health nuts or filling their calendars with doctors’ appointments and lunch dates, to cite just a few examples -- but there's a common denominator: calendars and To Do lists filled to overflowing.  

But at some point, this sort of life can take a sharp turn into doing as little as possible – sometimes by necessity, as health issues begin to pile up. And then comes a plunge into bitterness, fed by sitting alone and thinking about how everyone they know has let them down over the years. After all, none of this could possibly be their fault!  

It's really no surprise. As Jim Berg wrote in his wonderful book Created for His Glory (BJU Press, 2003), “The grim reality is that the emptiness of life without God at the center pushes itself to the consciousness once again when the music stops, the drugs wear off, the eroticism fails, the fashions grow old, the relationships disappoint, the accomplishments fade, and the thrills subside.” 

And emptiness almost invariably breeds bitterness.  

You can usually tell within a few minutes’ conversation what a new acquaintance’s relationship with the Lord is, or is not, based solely on how he or she spends his or her time. When there’s no relationship – and when a few gentle comments confirm that this person has absolutely no interest in the things of God – the solution is obvious: These people need to understand who God is and who they are, to grasp His holiness and their sinfulness, to learn about the repentance and trust in Christ that are the keys to eternal life.

Only when they embrace these truths will they be free to shed their bitterness and embrace the promise of eternal joy. Isn’t it wonderful to know that, if you’re a Christian, you may be the one who helps them to see the light? 

There are many ways to point a conversation in the right direction, and to present the gospel. I personally think that Living Waters' Need God? approach is the easiest to deliver, and to understand, but you may have a better way to share the good news of Jesus Christ.  

But don’t put it off – there are too many people suffering from bitterness these days, and the Lord has equipped all His children with the cure. 
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Beware of lawyers preying on nursing homes

10/19/2016

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You may have noticed the recent leap in the TV advertising from attorneys trolling for potential nursing-home victims. Apparently a new generation of enterprising lawyers has discovered a deep well of malpractice riches just waiting to be tapped. 
 
I think it’s pretty disgusting, personally. 
  
No doubt there are crummy nursing homes out there where residents are left hour after hour without being turned, in the process developing ghastly bedsores. 
 
No doubt there are facilities so understaffed that residents end up trying to transfer themselves to or from the toilet without help, and wind up hurting themselves in falls. 
 
No doubt there are places where cries of pain from an arthritic hip or infected catheter are ignored by indifferent nurses.
 
True all true, and something must be done about such facilities. But there is another side to this story. Here it is, in a nutshell.
 
Not even the nicest nursing homes can afford to watch residents 24x7. Yet, at least in Wisconsin, there are strict laws against doing everything possible to protect them from themselves. 
 
That means that occasional falls are almost inevitable. Some residents forget that they can no longer walk, and try to make it to the bathroom on foot. Others are too proud to use their walkers or wheelchairs, or are in too much of a hurry. Too often, blood flows and bones are broken, and it has much more to do with Big Brother legislating against "constraints" than it does with neglect on the part of the home. 
 
There will be other mishaps as well. Some residents will fall out of bed, for instance. The best Wisconsin facilities are allowed to do is to lower the bed almost to the floor and stretch pads alongside the bed to catch a fall. Protective rails are not allowed, you see, until the resident has actually hurt himself or herself without them; the State of Wisconsin considers that unreasonable restraint, or whatever the proper government lingo is this week. 
  
Ditto for seat belts in wheelchairs. Oh, sure, a resident who is likely to try to ambulate can be fitted with an alarm, but consider what happens if he or she decides to take a little walk: By the time anyone could get to him to prevent a fall, it may already be too late. 
  
I know about this sort of regulation from first-hand experience. My mother had a seizure disorder and begged for side rails on her bed. The State of Wisconsin, in its infinite wisdom, said no, not until you've hurt herself.  Case closed. 
 
There are other problems that are almost unavoidable when you’re caring for the fragile elderly. For instance, some simply can’t explain where it hurts; many others can’t even explain THAT it hurts. And some people are going to get bed sores no matter how frequently they’re turned. 
 
That’s not to excuse any sort of abuse or neglect. If we have a loved one in a nursing home, we really need to keep a sharp eye on them, dropping in frequently and unexpectedly whenever possible. We need to speak up if we find the care lacking, or the hygiene, or if we think there are medication issues that need to be addressed immediately. 
  
But we also need to keep our expectations realistic – and do a thorough job of vetting each candidate facility before investing the first day or dime in one.  
 
In my opinion, these lawsuits are going to do nothing but drive up nursing-home costs at the same time that Medicaid and Title 19 reimbursements are plummeting. I imagine that some homes will be forced to close. And this is all happening just as aging Baby Boomers are causing the elderly population to swell. Bottom line: More demand, less supply, with the cost of beds designated for private-payers (those who subsidize the Title 19 residents) skyrocketing beyond the reach of the average person. 
 
It’s an ugly situation however you look at it, and these lawsuits are not helping anyone but the lawyers who bring them.     
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An old-fashioned idea we'd do well to revive

10/9/2016

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“Home ought to be our clearing house, the place from which we go forth lessoned and disciplined, and ready for life.”  --Kathleen Thompson Norris, 1880-1966

Home, the place “from which we go forth lessoned and disciplined, and ready for life”? What planet did Kathleen Norris live on, talking about lessons and discipline as prerequisites for living? 

But amazingly, it wasn’t so long ago that Norris’s idea reigned in this country. She was, in fact, the most famous woman writer of the first half of the 20th century, the highest paid and among the most prolific, with 93 novels to her credit, many of them best-selling. 

It seems strange that most Americans have never heard of her. Perhaps that’s because her fiction promoted Christian service, the sanctity of marriage, and the overriding importance of motherhood as an occupation – ideas that seem pathetically yesterday in the brave new world we occupy today. 

Modern thought-leaders take a distinctly different approach to the subject of home. 

Consider, for instance, the warm-and-fuzzy wisdom of Mother Theresa: “Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do but how much love we put in that action.” 

Or the expect-little-of-me-and-I-won’t-disappoint-you view of Maya Angelou: “The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.”

Or the king-of-the-castle approach of the Dalai Lama: “Home is where you feel at home and are treated well.”

Kathleen Norris may seem passé in our oh-so-sophisticated world, but she remains a favorite author of many elderly women today. And wonder of wonders, they agree with her views! 

So if you’d like to have a great conversation with a woman over 80, try asking her for her thoughts on what role home should play in our lives, especially when we're young. 

She might express something along the lines of “The home is the chief school of human virtues,” as 19th century American writer William Ellery Channing put it. 

She might simply echo Kathleen Thompson Norris. 

And if you let her tell you how and why and what we lose by ignoring this age-old wisdom, she might leave you with an entirely different view of home – one that we would do well to recapture if we want our nation to survive.  
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Bitterness

10/5/2016

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"I've yet to meet a bitter teenager. Bitterness, jealousy and jadedness, I think, are the most unattractive qualities in a person, and unfortunately they do seem to come with age." -- Jane Goldman 

I think Goldman is correct; the few truly bitter people I've met have been very elderly. Maybe it's because they have finally lost all hope, realizing that their lives really are not going to get any better. "My daughter always said that life sucks and then you die," a very unhappy 90-year-old said to me some years ago. "Turns out she was right."

If you have a friend or loved one who's struggling with bitterness, I trust you're sharing the answer with him or her -- the gospel of Jesus Christ, who has promised a joyful eternity to anyone who will repent and trust in Him to have paid their sin penalty on the cross.    

A fresh look at what the Bible says about bitterness might help you make your case. Here to provide just that is an excellent message delivered by Chris Carrillo at Care-age of Brookfield's September Christian Music Hour. 
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    Kitty
    Foth-Regner

    I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a freelance copywriter, a nursing-home volunteer, and the author of books both in-process and published -- including
    Heaven Without Her.

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