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Feeling hopeless?

11/25/2015

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Not long ago, I had the chance to watch the critically acclaimed 2006 movie “Away from Her.” Starring the still-gorgeous Julie Christie, it’s the story of a husband and wife – Grant and Fiona – whose relationship is about to undergo monumental and permanent changes. Fiona, you see, has Alzheimer’s.  And the disease has progressed enough that, early on in the movie, she decides it’s time for her to move into a nursing home.
 
There are no real surprises in this story. Fiona becomes increasingly forgetful, stops recognizing her husband, attaches herself to another resident. Grant is miserable, visits Fiona often, becomes lonely, seeks the advice of a nurse with a heart of gold. She tells him that Fiona may yet have some lucid periods, but that he shouldn’t get his hopes up because they won’t last. And indeed that’s precisely what happens in the end; but because of heart-of-gold’s warning, Grant doesn’t take even a moment’s break from his misery.
 
And there you have it: another beautifully filmed tear-jerker delivering a clear message of hopelessness.
 
Which is pretty much the message most critically acclaimed American movies, novels, and TV shows have been delivering for the last 50+ years. No wonder there’s so much despair in our culture today.
 
But get this: one doesn’t encounter much of this relentless gloom at nursing homes. Sure, there’s day-to-day unhappiness over the kids’ failure to visit or an aide being disrespectful, and certainly those with unrelenting pain or severe disabilities are far from delighted with their current circumstances.
 
But there’s a huge difference: Even through such suffering, many – perhaps most – of today’s nursing home residents are leaning on the everlasting arms of God. They are resting in the certainty that, no matter how bad things get in this life, the best is yet to come. And the older they are, the more certain they are that heaven will be their next stop, their home forevermore.
 
Sadly, this is beginning to change, as people who came of age in the post-war years check in to long-term care. There seems to be less assurance of heaven, less faith in God’s love for them, less confidence that they will ever escape from the downward slide their bodies have taken. Astoundingly, there also seems to be less interest in hearing evidences for happily ever aftering.
 
There are no doubt many reasons for this growing agnosticism among the newly elderly. But I think we can put a lot of the blame on Hollywood, and on our lack of discernment in the face of attractive actors, heart-wrenching story lines and lavish cinematography.  
 
The solution? At the very least, we should take the time to analyze the messages that we’re being fed by the entertainment industry – and to reject anything that’s simply emotional, unprovable or an outright lie.  
 
Then we should give God equal time to make His case for forever, via the Bible, sound teaching, and fellowship with born-again believers. Because here’s the truth: No one has to end his life like Grant and Fiona did, in hopelessness and despair.  For anyone willing to repent and trust in Christ, the best really is yet to come.

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Making a list? Check it twice!

11/16/2015

 
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If you're searching for a present for a friend or loved one who lives in a nursing home, it wouldn't be at all surprising to learn that the perfect gift is not leaping instantly to mind. It can in fact be a real challenge. But as a veteran of nursing-home buying, I have a few suggestions for you. 

Let's start with a few don'ts:

  • It should be obvious, but apparently it is not: Don't bring in anything that the recipient can't eat -- no sugary treats for those with diabetes, no nuts or popcorn for those with diverticulitis. If you have any doubts, do your research and check with a nurse.

  • Be sensible: don't give a boom box to someone with a roommate -- unless it's accompanied by earphones and instructions for using them.

  • Don't give conventional books to someone with failing vision, or books on tape to someone with no means of listening to them. 

  • Don't give a gift that could be a fire hazard. That means none of those cute little packages of tea, mug and plug-in cup heater. No hot plates. Nothing that plugs in and heats up.

  • Don't give an appliance if it will only cause frustration. A prime problem: phones with built-in answering machines. Younger residents may really appreciate them, but I promise you that they can reduce many old folk to tears in very short order.

There are far better choices available to those who know their residents fairly well. For instance:

  • This is the generation that wrote letters, and many still do. Books of pretty stamps are always welcome, as are boxes of stationery or a selection of cards for any occasion -- Get Well, Happy Birthday, Thank You and Thinking of You are perfect.

  • Look for wonderful new books or old favorites for a reader, large-print if necessary; I recently discovered a resident with a shared passion for Kathleen Thompson Norris, the highest-paid woman novelist of the early 20th century; she'll be ultra-easy to buy for, since Norris wrote dozens of books and one of the advantages to old age is being hazy about stories read decades ago. 

  • Many will welcome reading accessories such as clip-on night lights (with a supply of batteries) or magnifying sheets or glasses.

  • If the nursing staff okays it, candy and cookies are always a big hit.  

  • How about a jigsaw puzzle, if there's a place to assemble it? And how about personalizing it? I'm currently searching for one featuring turtles for a resident who loves both puzzles and turtles -- if I can find the right one, I think she'll be delighted.

  • If the home has a beauty shop, you could pay for a shampoo, cut and set for a resident who's low on funds.

  • An easy-to-care-for plant may be just the ticket, especially for someone who once enjoyed gardening. Surprisingly, an orchid can be great; it may not live forever, but some of the most common types will bloom for a long time and need only an ice cube a week for moisture. And what an exotic gift it makes!

  • For the right resident and the right room, a stuffed toy can turn into a beloved "companion." And there are some very cool, battery-operated cats and dogs available today; but bring extra batteries and make sure there'll be someone available to change them.

  • Another nifty gift is a pair of earphones for TV listening. The resident's roommate will appreciate them, and that can help keep the peace for everyone concerned.

  • For the man or woman who has everything, you might want to consider making a donation in his or her name to a cause that he or she loves -- his or her church, or a local humane society, or the Rescue Mission or Salvation Army. 

But the best gift at all for someone living in a nursing home is the gift of time. Lavish it on him or her not only during the Christmas season, but every month of the year! 

Adapted from an 11/28/13 post.

Europe's newest export: the elderly

11/3/2015

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A couple years ago, I reported on what seemed to be a new trend in Germany: sending elderly nursing-home residents to live in much cheaper facilities in Eastern Europe.
  
Wondering if this is still an issue, or if Germany had perhaps come up with a better solution, I’ve spent hours searching for updates. But they sure are hard to come by.  It seems that shipping an aging parent across a border or two, or even halfway around the world, is no longer a bit controversial; if it must be mentioned at all, it’s amidst a flurry of assurances that caregivers in poorer nations are very loving and far more attentive than those in the more “advanced” nations of the west.
 
In a BBC report, for instance, we meet a Swiss woman who sent her mother to a nursing home in Thailand. She seems very pleased with the arrangement.  “"The treatment is so much more individual, and, how shall I say, with love.” Plus, she is able to visit her mom at least twice a year! (Europeans’ devotion to vacationing comes in very handy in this situation.)
 
There’s a great deal of public fear about putting the elderly in nursing homes, the BBC story admits, particularly because of the potential for abuse. But apparently that fear vanishes when the homes are far, far away.  “Thailand has a strong culture of looking after its elderly,” the reporter explains, disposing of that concern once and for all.
 
Indeed. I guess we are no longer a culture "looking after its elderly," now that Commandment #5 – "honor your father and mother" – has been amended with an important condition: “unless it’s too inconvenient or costly.”
 
After all, one German son featured in a cheery report found that he could ship his mother off to Slovakia for the duration without having to sell her house or part with any of his own money; her pension covers 100% of Slovakian care. What a deal!
 
Visiting doesn’t seem to be an issue, either. The elderly women mentioned in the stories I read all had dementia, and so allegedly were already unable to distinguish their kids from Adam. It’s unclear whether that’s always the case with these elderly exports. Unclear, too, whether the touch of a caregiver who doesn’t even speak your language would be an adequate substitute for your own child’s voice and embrace.   
 
Given our nation’s economic and demographic realities, I’m guessing that we baby boomers may find out for ourselves before all is said and done.

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    Kitty
    Foth-Regner

    I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a freelance copywriter, a nursing-home volunteer, and the author of books both in-process and published -- including
    Heaven Without Her.

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