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Suddenly, "caring" means "no care"

12/30/2014

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“He’s going to die anyway – he’s old and sick! Why waste money trying to save him?”

That’s the thinking behind H.R. 1339, the Palliative Care and Hospice Education and Training Act; S. 641, the Palliative Care and Hospice Education and Training Act; and H.R. 1666, the Patient Centered Quality Care for Life Act. They’re federal initiatives designed to spend hundreds of millions of dollars on promoting the value of putting sick people in hospice and treating their symptoms rather than trying to save their lives.

Of course there comes a time when it’s wasteful and perhaps cruel to try to keep a dying patient alive. But it seems that we already do a pretty good job of identifying this threshold, at bringing in the hospice workers and bringing out the painkillers. Why do we need to spend all this money on training professionals to help people die; don’t they cover this in med school? Why do we need to invest so much on educating the public as to the benefits of death; don’t we all realize that one day our lives will end?

Does death really need a costly educational and PR campaign? And how about the proposed new national supervisory board to make sure everyone’s complying with this new way of thinking?

Interestingly, such legislation seems to be enthusiastically endorsed by the American Cancer Society’s Cancer Action Network. Funny – I thought ACS was spending our donations on finding cures, not throwing in the towel.

It’s all about “quality of life,” they assure us; but don’t they really mean “quality of death”?  

Don’t get me wrong. For Christians, death is simply the door to everlasting life and eternal joy. “We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord,” the apostle Paul explained in 2 Corinthians 5:8.

But who exactly will make the decision that today is the day? The newly educated family? The overworked doctor? The hospice aide? Or maybe a member of the national supervisory board? (If the latter, “death panel” really would be an apt description for this body.) 

Or will there be thousands of pages of regulations to help a bureaucrat of some sort decide when it’s time to pull the plug?

And whoever the decision-maker turns out to be, who exactly made him or her God?

I address this in the Golden Years blog because of course it’ll be the elderly who will be the biggest victims of this legislation. After all, they’re drains on our tax revenues, not contributors. The sooner we can get them out of the way, the better for everyone concerned. 

If that doesn't make sense to you right now, don't worry. The feds are going to re-educate you until it does.

The prophet Isaiah warned that this day would come. “Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!” (Isaiah 5:20).

Is anyone listening?
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The power of teasing

12/23/2014

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In a July post, I wrote about a terrific 70-something man who was recuperating at the nursing home where I hang out -- about what a wonderful impact he had on the other residents because of the way he engaged them in conversation, no matter how disabled or befuddled they were. This man -- let's call him Elmer -- never failed to ask them about their health and their families and their interests. He talked to all his fellow residents as human beings of intelligence and worth. 

And the frosting on the cake: Elmer teased many of them. He  did it gently, kindly, and always playfully, and he seemed to know exactly who would enjoy it. As a result, there seemed to be lots of grins and giggles whenever he was part of a circle of wheelchairs. 

 
Alas, Elmer has left the building. I hope he'll be back as a volunteer one day, but I won't hold my breath; he's probably too busy facilitating friendships in the assisted living facility he now calls home. With people like him, there's never enough time to go around. 

But I'm happy to report that I witnessed another smile-maker at work not long ago. I'll call this fellow Nate. 

Nate is an interesting fellow. He's feisty and occasionally cantankerous. He's also kind, smart, well-informed, and very knowledgeable about the Bible -- always a plus in my book. 

Nate has a roommate I'll call Samuel, a super-sweet older fellow who always seems a little sad, and occasionally a little bewildered. I've known him at least a couple years, and have never seen him even crack a smile.

I stopped to visit Nate and Samuel recently. Samuel's family had put a sizable Christmas tree on his dresser, with lovely ornaments. When I complimented him on it, he said, very sadly, that he had tried to light it but it didn't seem to work.

"Dumbkopf!" Nate cried, struggling to his feet and making his way over to the tree. "Just flip this switch. Do I have to do everything for you?"

Shocked, I looked at Samuel again, expecting to see anger on his face, or more likely a display of hurt feelings. 

But not so. Instead, Samuel was grinning. He was beaming. He laughed out loud as Nate lit the tree.

Apparently, this not-so-gentle teasing was just what Samuel needed. Maybe it made him feel like one of the guys. Maybe it made him feel loved. Apparently it was an improvement over the careful expressions of concern and sympathy we women tend to deliver to people who seem a little forlorn.

For at least some people, teasing seems to be a wonderful way to warm their hearts and tickle their funny bones. I think Elmer and Nate are really on to something. 
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"How long it takes to die."

12/13/2014

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“How long it takes to die.”

That’s how my mother opened an April, 1992, entry in her journal.

“I thought my life would be over when Herbert died,” she continued. “But I had many happy years after that.”

She sketched it out: visiting Andy and her family in Appleton. Laughing with Carrie. Traveling with me to Europe, where we “walked – I really walked – from dawn till dusk.”

She mentioned some of the people who remained dear friends of hers even after my dad’s death – people who didn’t require a foursome for friendship. She treasured them especially; as a young widow of just 57, she had experienced the sting of being dropped after six months or a year by people she thought were her friends, simply because she was alone and they were not. 

But by 1992, she was wheelchair-bound and living in this nursing home near us. She still appreciated kindnesses and attention, but the good times had clearly run out for her; she felt like a burden, no doubt because I made her feel like one some of the time.

In the Ten Commandments, God gave us two types of directives.

The first four have to do with our relationship with Him. We are to love Him above all, reject idols, refrain from taking His name in vain and keep the Sabbath holy – that is, separate.

The last six are all about our relationships with each other – refraining from lying, stealing, adultery, murder, and coveting others’ possessions.

But the first of this group – the fifth Commandment – tells us to honor our father and mother. No exceptions: No “unless he is a nasty man” or “unless she becomes too sick to be fun,” or “unless you have something better to do.” I find it fascinating that the Lord put this one first – even before telling us not to murder or commit adultery. 

Perhaps it was because He knew that these relationships are the foundation on which our characters are built, and the keys to our attitudes toward authority. Perhaps because they are, in the end, our most fundamental human relationships, foreshadowing in earthly terms our relationships with Him.

I’ll let the theologians figure that out. All I know is that the fifth Commandment made it almost unbearable for me to read my mother’s thoughts during the last chapter of her life.

“How long it takes to die.”

--Heaven Without Her, pages 248-249

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Need advice on serving the elderly?

12/4/2014

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Are you taking care of an elderly loved one personally? Do you spend a lot of time with aged friends or relatives? Or are you involved in a church ministry that provides resources and support to caregivers to the elderly? Whatever your focus, if you could use some expert advice on how to best serve these precious people, you'll want to consider attending the first National Christian Family Eldercare Conference, slated for March 27-28 in Denver.

Designed to provide both encouragement and practical training, the conference will feature tracks on a wide range of topics of importance to caregivers and their charges. The common denominator: a consistently biblical perspective.

While you're there, you'll have the opportunity to explore everything from reaching the elderly in your community to basic care techniques, from serving elderly congregants to the economic and legal aspects of eldercare.

Already on the agenda are more than a dozen five-star speakers, including:

  • Dr. Thomas Kendall, President, Association of American Physicians and Surgeons
  • Kevin Swanson, Director, Generations with Vision
  • Carmen Bowman, Culture Change Leader in Eldercare Ministries
  • Cyndy Luzinski, RN, Certified Dementia Practitioner
  • Colin Gunn, Producer, “Wait Till It’s Free”
 
Intrigued? Visit the Christian Family Eldercare website for details. 
1 Comment

    Kitty
    Foth-Regner

    I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a freelance copywriter, a nursing-home volunteer, and the author of books both in-process and published -- including
    Heaven Without Her.

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