If you're searching for a present for a friend or loved one who lives in a nursing home, it wouldn't be surprising to learn that the perfect gift is not leaping instantly to mind. It can in fact be a real challenge. But as a veteran of nursing-home buying, I have a few suggestions for you. 

Let's start with a few don'ts:

• It should be obvious, but apparently it is not: Don't bring in anything that the recipient can't eat -- no sugary treats for those with diabetes, no nuts or popcorn for those with diverticulitis. If you have any doubts, do your research and check with a nurse.


• Be sensible: don't give a boom box to someone with a roommate -- unless it's accompanied by earphones and instructions for using them.


• Don't give conventional books to someone with failing vision, or books on tape to someone with no means of listening to them. 


• Don't give a gift that could be a fire hazard. That means none of those cute little packages of tea, mug and plug-in cup heater. No hot plates. Nothing that plugs in and heats up.


• Don't give an appliance if it will only cause frustration. A prime problem: phones with built-in answering machines. Younger residents may really appreciate them, but I promise you that they can reduce many old folk to tears in very short order.

There are far better choices available to those who know their residents fairly well. For instance:

• This is the generation that wrote letters, and many still do. Books of pretty stamps are always welcome, as are boxes of stationery or a selection of cards for any occasion -- Get Well, Happy Birthday, Thank You and Thinking of You are perfect.


• Look for wonderful new books or old favorites for a reader, large-print if necessary; I recently discovered a resident with a shared passion for Kathleen Thompson Norris, the highest-paid woman novelist of the early 20th century; she'll be ultra-easy to buy for, since Norris wrote dozens of books and one of the advantages to old age is being hazy about stories read decades ago. 


• Many will welcome reading accessories such as clip-on night lights (with a supply of batteries) or magnifying sheets or glasses.


• If the nursing staff okays it, candy and cookies are always a big hit.  


• How about a jigsaw puzzle, if there's a place to assemble it? And how about personalizing it? I'm currently searching for one featuring turtles for a resident who loves both puzzles and turtles -- if I can find the right one, I think she'll be delighted.

 

• If the home has a beauty shop, you could pay for a shampoo, cut and set for a resident who's low on funds.


• An easy-to-care-for plant may be just the ticket, especially for someone who once enjoyed gardening. Surprisingly, an orchid can be great; it may not live forever, but some of the most common types will bloom for a long time and need only an ice cube a week for moisture. And what an exotic gift!


• For the right resident and the right room, a stuffed toy can turn into a beloved "companion." And there are some very cool, battery-operated cats and dogs available today; but bring extra batteries and make sure there'll be someone available to change them.


• Another nifty gift is a pair of earphones for TV listening. The resident's roommate will appreciate them, and that can help keep the peace for everyone concerned.


• For the resident who has everything, you might want to make a donation in his or her name to a cause that he or she loves -- his or her church, a local humane society, or the Rescue Mission or Salvation Army, for instance.

But the best gift at all for someone living in a nursing home is the gift of time. That can be tough to provide during this era of COVID 19, but perhaps you can telephone frequently, or make special arrangements to visit; ask the home's Activities Director or Administrator for suggestions. Then, once the current crisis is past, make up for today's limitations, lavishing your time on him or her every month of the year! 

I was just reminded of this haunting poem. It seems to convey an important truth: the dementia patients who have the greatest peace are those whose children and friends continue to visit and love them even as deep confusion sets in. 

How sad that current fears of covid 19 have made such visits nearly impossible for those who are institutionalized. We really need to lobby to change this situation, even if it puts our loved ones at some risk; after all, staying physically healthy is not necessarily the most important thing in this life.
 
In the meantime, I hope we'll each do what we can to comfort those afflicted with any form of dementia; even sending them cards and letters to be read to them by caregivers can provide a few moments of happiness. The Lord will be pleased; after all, "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble ...”  (James 1:27a, NKJV). If we can't do it in person, we can at least try to make up for it via the USPS.