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Who says compassion can't be taught?

9/25/2019

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Located about 35 miles due east of St. Louis, Aviston, Illinois, is known as “a small town with a big heart.” And I guess that’s exactly right, if the folks at Aviston Countrywide Manor are any gauge.
 
In an effort to enhance its staff’s compassion for the people in their care, this Clinton County nursing home took a very unusual step some years ago: It held a contest, dubbed the Through the Looking Glass project, to see which staff member could last the longest living as a resident of the facility.
 
The first year's winner managed to make it for eight days, taking home a grand prize of $500–apparently not all that much, considering that only four employees accepted the challenge the first year, and only five the next. I was unable to find any details about subsequent years. 
 
But I think this idea is absolutely brilliant. And the home's administrator seems to feel it has legs; she has published a book entiteld What Living as a Resident Can Teach Long-Term Care Staff: The Power of Empathy To Transform Care.

I hope this idea catches on. Just think what would happen to the quality of care–and the level of compassion–that nursing-home residents would experience if their caregivers really understood, from personal experience, exactly what they were going through each and every day.

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Lil: a consecrated life

9/17/2019

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At my church, we are often taught us from scripture what it means to consecrate our lives to the Lord, to set ourselves apart in service to Him. After all, we were bought at a price, and we belong to Him (1 Corinthians 6:20). 
 
This particular subject invariably makes me reflect on the people I’ve known who have led consecrated lives–a line of thinking that always seems to lead me straight to a wonderful woman named Lil.

Lil was 98 when I met her at the nursing home, and was just three months short of 100 when she died, eagerly and peacefully, in a local hospital, a few months after being baptized at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wisconsin. (Alas, she was not immersed in the enormous pond as a dozen others were. Getting her down to the site in her wheelchair was challenge enough; safely immersing her would have been almost impossible. But there’s no doubt that the Lord saw her submission to a good dousing, following her heartfelt testimony to a huge crowd of witnesses, as “an appeal to [Him] for a good conscience,” as the apostle Peter put it in 1 Peter 3.)
 
Having been saved at age 17, when she responded to an altar call in her family’s church, Lil had never gotten around to believer’s baptism over the decades. In fact, she had not quite put the Lord on the throne of her heart for many years. 
 
But when she did, look out! I doubt that the Lord has had many bolder, or more courageous, evangelists in His army. 
 
By the time I met her, Lil was not only confined to her wheelchair; the blindness that had begun at least a decade earlier had by then closed her eyes completely to the things of this world. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she was so on fire for the Lord–she was no longer distracted by much of anything material. 
 
It didn’t matter who you were–friend or stranger, nurse or aide, purveyor of orthopedic shoes or relative of her latest roommate. You couldn’t walk into her room without eventually being quizzed about your relationship with Jesus, and being prayed for, and receiving one of the tracts that her many friends kept her supplied with. But she did it all with such joy and love and giggle-filled humor that I don’t imagine she offended anyone but the most dour atheist. 
 
And once she knew you, she made you feel like you were her best friend in the world. How I miss hearing her cry “Kitty! I’ve been waiting for you!” when I hurried to her room each week, my heart leaping with happiness at the sight of her. 
 
Lil’s enthusiasm for my visits was genuine; there was not an untruthful bone in that old body of hers. But it was fascinating to find out how many others felt exactly the same way about their relationships with her. There must have been 200-300 people at her funeral – exponentially more than I’ve seen at any of the other funerals I’ve attended over the last two decades. Not that this made her a better person than any of the others, or more loved by those closest to her. But it was certainly a good indicator of how important she made each of her friends feel, how essential to her personal happiness.
 
Lil’s funeral opened with a video of her giving her Christian testimony, taped a decade earlier. In fact, the entire event was as Christ-centered as she had been personally in the last years of her life. If there was any weeping, I didn’t hear it; it’s impossible to be overwhelmed by sorrow when you know, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that your dear friend has simply gone on ahead, to meet her Lord and Savior face to face. 
 
I for one am looking forward to joining her one happy day, to seeing this consecrated life of hers translated into its heavenly presence. I like to think that when I see my dear Lil, I will once again hear her happy cry: “Kitty! I’ve been waiting for you!”
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Only God can heal a broken heart

9/11/2019

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In Chapter Fifty-Two of The Song of Sadie Sparrow, we rejoice to see that the Lord has begun healing the old lady's heart; her oh-so-busy daughter no longer has the power to break her heart:

As it turned out, Sadie didn’t have to call her daughter again. Instead, Dana surprised her with a visit to the dining room at 7:50 in the morning, just as Sadie was sprinkling brown sugar over her morning oatmeal.
         
“I don’t have much time,” she said breathlessly, slipping into a vacant chair and bending towards Sadie to deliver an air kiss, complete with a loud “Mwah!”
         
“What a nice surprise, Dana.” Sadie noted that her daughter was dressed to the nines in a beautiful dark brown suit and a pale pink blouse, and her tawny hair was pulled back into a slightly messy bun that had probably taken a half hour to arrange so artfully. “Big meeting?”
         
“Yes, with our most important client.” Dana glanced at her watch. “But I wanted to stop in to take care of that paperwork, so you can go to that funeral.”
         
“It was last Saturday,” Sadie said in an utterly neutral tone of voice.
         
“Oh. Well, then, you’ll be ready for the next one.” Dana flashed Sadie her most dazzling smile. “So, how have you been? Good?”
         
Yes, as a matter of fact.” Sadie took a sip of coffee, stalling to flip through all the mental notes she’d made in preparation for telling Dana about how her entire life had been transformed this spring, how truly content she now was, how--
         
But Dana was already standing up, getting ready to take off. “That’s great, Mom—I’m so happy for you! So I’ll go find whoever I need to see.” She glanced around the dining room, but except for a few other breakfasting early risers, no one was available to point her in the right direction. “I don’t suppose you know who? No? Okay, well, I’ll check at the front desk—should be someone there by now. Bye, Mom, I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
         
Another air kiss and she was gone.
         
Sadie was tempted to fall into one of her old self-pitying moods, but pulled herself out of it before it had a chance to crystalize.
         
“Dear Lord,” she prayed silently. “Please save Dana, and while you’re at it, could you please make this new thinking of mine stick? Thank you, Lord, in Jesus’ name.”
         
Sadie's oatmeal was especially sweet that morning. She savored it gratefully.

​ --The Song of Sadie Sparrow, pages 316-317
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How can you help?

9/5/2019

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Years ago, a creation-science lecturer was asked how he knew that God had called him to be a speaker on this subject. “I didn’t know,” he said, shrugging. “I just could see what needed to be done, and I did it.”
 
It seems to me that this is exactly how the Lord often works: He makes a need obvious to one of His servants, and soon enough “seeing” becomes “doing.”
 
Here are a few pressing needs I’ve observed at the nursing home where I hang out. See anything that might turn into a personal calling for you?
 
Personal shopper: Not many nursing-home residents are able to get out and shop for necessities or niceties. And few are able to access online stores themselves. If you enjoy shopping, and if there’s a way to get reimbursed for your expenditures via, for instance, a petty cash fund, perhaps you could become a personal shopper for as many residents as you have time to serve.
 
Even though it’s not my thing, I actually do some shopping for one of my resident friends—virtually all of it online. She has all of her marbles (and then some), as well as the ability to get me reimbursed quickly and easily, so it works out very well for both of us.
 
But how cool would it be for someone who loves to shop, and is a good money manager, to offer this service on a volunteer basis? On any given day your shopping basket might contain items from cosmetics to batteries, slippers to magnifying glasses, stationery to gifts for grandkids—whatever needs have become impossible for your elderly friends to meet under their own power.  
 
In-room gardener: Some residents receive wonderful indoor plants that they appreciate greatly, but are unable to care for themselves. Perhaps you could help those plants thrive, going from room to room each week to tend to them and, while you’re at it, having nice conversations with their owners.
 
Simply check the labels that are normally tucked into the soil for basic care instructions, and follow them to the letter. Or, to make your service even more personal, look up each variety on the internet, and print out any especially interesting information you may find—information about things like ideal fertilization schedules, repotting requirements, or the natural habitats of particularly exotic plants. Then share the details with their owners.                 
 
This service may require a minor investment on your part. For instance, I occasionally bring in distilled water and specialized fertilizer for one woman’s treasured orchid. But the costs are normally minimal, and if necessary, you could ask to be reimbursed.
 
Feed the birds: Some nursing homes allow you to set up and tend to feeders outside first-floor residents’ windows.  Might that task be up your alley? If so, your efforts will be highly appreciated.
 
Feeders and seed are not cheap; nor is the suet so beloved by woodpeckers in our part of the country.  So unless you’re able to underwrite the costs personally, you’ll need to discuss funding this project with your Activities Director. 
 
But if the finances can be worked out along with who-does-what details such as feeder setup and procuring the food, you’ll be providing these residents with hour after hour of pleasure all year long. And you can make the experience even more enjoyable for them by researching the species that frequent their feeders, or by bringing in bird-watching books that you’ve picked up at the library or thrift stores.  
 
Organizer: For any number of reasons, not all nursing-home residents are neatniks. But you could help one or more of them become and remain organized via periodic drawer-cleaning, closet-freshening and gleaning of important items from stacks of otherwise disposable papers and magazines.
 
As you proceed, you might find additional ways to serve a given resident—for instance, taking special clothing items home for hand-washing, ironing, or mending. And perhaps you could fetch a few file folders from the front office to create a potentially permanent fix for important papers.  
 
Become a scribe: Some nursing-home residents love to correspond with old friends and family members. Yet as we age, our handwriting can become practically illegible, and even handling paper, envelopes and stamps can become a real challenge.
 
Maybe you could help with this task, by writing out cards and letters for a few residents, preparing the envelopes and making sure that they get mailed.
                                                                                
I spent nearly four years doing this for a woman with Parkinson’s disease. In her case, we created rough first drafts and then polished the words until she was satisfied. Finally, I’d write our final draft on handsome stationery; I kept her well-stocked by shopping the sales at high-style discount stores.
 
Another woman with an enormous number of friends, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren simply wanted to remember everyone’s birthday with simple greeting cards. For her, I found a month-by-month pocket folder and inexpensive packets of birthday cards at a local dollar store. Together, we organized it all so that at the end of each month, we could prepare the next month’s cards, complete with addresses, stamps and mailing dates noted on sticky notes; she then kept them on her bedside table for mailing on the appointed days.
 
What needs do you see? I’ve barely scratched the surface with these suggestions. Other valued services might include reading Scripture to the blind or making monthly runs to your local library for avid readers. If you start visiting nursing-home residents, you’ll no doubt spot many other ways you could be a blessing to each one.
 
Of course, any such services would need to be cleared ahead of time. In fact, that would be a good place to start, broaching your ideas to the Activities Director you report to.
 
Do you have other suggestions to share? If so, please let me know via this contact form or by emailing me at kitty@everlastingplace.com.
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    Kitty
    Foth-Regner

    I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a freelance copywriter, a nursing-home volunteer, and the author of books both in-process and published -- including
    Heaven Without Her.

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