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Waiting for the other shoe to drop

11/12/2021

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Sadly, some elderly people spend their last days waiting for what they think is the worst. They’ve lost their parents, spouses, siblings, and friends, and now they are just waiting for their own deaths – too often with dread.

The good news is we can occasionally help.

For instance, the problem is sometimes (and increasingly) plain old unbelief.

“I don’t buy any of that heaven stuff anymore,” one aged lady told me, with great sadness, some years ago. “When we die, we cease to exist and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

She is a reader, so I gave her a copy of Heaven Without Her and she promised to read it. It’s my prayer, of course, that she will be pointed towards the narrow gate (Matthew 7) by the evidence it presents for the truth of Christianity -- or at least come to see that eternity is worthy of both consideration and investigation. I may never know, however; we only met in passing.

Sometimes end-of-life fears are the result of unbiblical theology.

Many years ago, I found a 100-year-old woman sobbing in her room. “I’m afraid of dying,” she confessed through her tears. “I’m so afraid of Purgatory!” I gently showed her from scripture that if she repented and trusted in Christ, she could count on being “absent from the body, present with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5). Did these truths relieve her fears? It seemed so at the time; but she suffered a massive stroke and died soon after our discussion, so I won’t know until I get There myself.

Occasionally even the faith-filled elderly fear death -- not its reality but its mechanics, in particular the prospect of pain.

Fortunately, we really don’t have to deal with overwhelming pain anymore, thanks to modern pharmaceuticals. In two decades as a nursing-home volunteer, I saw only three residents suffer greatly, and in two of those cases it was because they refused medication to relieve it.

But even when that relief is incomplete, it’s possible for the dying to rest in the knowledge that God is at work in and through them, and that eternal bliss is just beyond the horizon. 

I’ve seen this attitude time and time again in Spirit-filled Christians. What a blessing and encouragement it is to spend time with those who are waiting patiently not for the other shoe to drop, but for joy forevermore!
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Nursing homes are in trouble

10/16/2021

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For many reasons -- from difficult working conditions to low wages, the inevitable result of inadequate Medicaid reimbursements -- most nursing homes are understaffed these days. And there's doesn't seem to be much hope of improvement in sight.

If you're involved with a nursing home in any way, how can you help change the situation? Perhaps it would help in the long run to contact your legislators and make this issue a priority in your future voting decisions.

But for now, you can help prevent the loss of more employees, from nurses to CNAs, by being patient and understanding, and encouraging residents and family members to be, too.

To give you some insight into exactly what nursing-home caregivers are facing each and every day, here is a brilliant, anonymous essay posted on Facebook by Cindy Shepard, and reproduced here with her permission. Please give these words careful consideration before complaining to or about anyone involved in direct care-giving; I know I will.

Imagine this.......

You walk onto the floor and you have 25 patients. 25 humans you are responsible for, 25 humans you will have to know everything about. When they eat, if they eat, how much they pee, what color it is, when their last bowel movement was, what color, shape, and consistency it was, what their labs look like, their cognitive status, if they have wounds, what meds are due, what are their vitals.

You get to the floor and get report on these 25 people. All not well, some with orders that need completing. One has bladder scans every 6 hours and has to be cathed if they are over a certain limit; one is on an IV infusion every 6 hours and frequent monitoring. 5 ARE aggressive and need to be kept away from others. At least one had a fall requiring neuro checks every hour; one is dying with no family at their side.

Then imagine being short staffed.

Then imagine the family calling wanting a check up on their family members and complaining when you can’t get on the phone right now. Imagine that you are in the middle of cleaning up a patient, alone, when the family calls and you can't stop to take the call but will call them as soon as you're done. Imagine your manager reprimanding you for not taking the call as the family is angry and complaining.

Then imagine 6 of those 25 calling out for pain meds every 2 hours. Some of it is pain seeking, some of it is actual pain from the cancer or other causes. Then the one that is dying needs pain meds for comfort every hour and just wants someone at their bedside.

Oh, and don't forget the high fall risk patients that you have circled around your station so you can keep an eye on them.


Then imagine doing everything you can for all these humans you are responsible for and getting cursed out, talked down to, criticized for not being “fast enough,” asked “where were you?” and told “I’ve been on the light for 20 minutes?!”

NOW imagine also not having a enough CNA’s - the backbone of the skilled nursing system! So now, with all of that, you’re also TRYING to help respond to call lights, bathroom calls, changing patients, turning patients every 2 hours, getting water, getting snacks, emptying catheters, measuring intake and output, bathing, and more changing. Imagine a patient getting upset because you didn't bring them coffee and snacks quick enough and giving meds for comfort to your dying patient.

And now… you have a new admit coming to the floor with a wound vac, needing pain meds that you don't have. Another human, another life to take care of.

Now imagine administration always complaining you never do enough, dressings aren’t changed on time; tubing isn’t labeled correctly; rooms are messy. Charting isn’t done, write ups are threatened.

This is Nursing.

This is Why we are burned out.

This is Why we are short staffed.

This is Why Nurses and CNA’s are leaving the profession.

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It's never too late to change your tune

10/8/2021

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"Faith is one of those things that gets tougher to acquire the older you get." This quote from a blog that shall remain nameless seems to reflect conventional wisdom, doesn't it? 

"If you aren't saved by age 18, chances are you never will be," is another way of putting it.

It makes me wonder what the underlying message is. Maybe something along the lines of "Don't bother witnessing to adults, 'cause they're not likely to listen"? 

And that in turn makes me wonder who's the author of this little piece of advice. The god of this world, perhaps? 

If I had to guess, I'd say that 40% of the people I know were born again when they were well into adulthood, often because of the sort of life-changing trauma that is peculiar to the over-30 crowd. 

I've personally known nursing-home residents who were saved in great old age. In fact, that's one of the miracles that takes place in my novel The Song of Sadie Sparrow.

I hope you'll join the ranks of believers who routinely ignore conventional wisdom -- believers who make it a habit to share the gospel with the elderly, apparently not convinced that they're too old to repent and receive Christ!


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A nursing home can be a wonderful place to live

10/1/2021

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Too often, nursing homes are thought of as a despised final stop before death. Which is really sad, because they can be centers of heartwarming fellowship and welcome spiritual growth for those who need a certain level of care -- more care than can be summoned in assisted living, for instance, and more than can be found in "aging in place" schemes, some of which can lead to extreme isolation.

Giving readers a glimpse of this truth was one of my main reasons for writing the novel The Song of Sadie Sparrow; here's a short passage illustrating the affectionate fellowship that can be found in such living arrangements. It's my prayer that the best of these homes will still be available by the time my generation needs them -- and yours.


 
“It’s too bad you didn’t go to Bible study,” Sadie said to her tablemates after the teacher had left.

“He limps,” said Gladys. “Did you know that? Why does he limp?”

“I don’t know,” Sadie said, “and frankly I hadn’t noticed. What difference does it make?”

“I already know all about the Bible,” Catherine said. “I just wish someone would study Mrs. Eddy’s writings with me.”

“How about that practitioner of yours?” Gladys was looking down her substantial nose at Catherine, not really very interested in ultimate truth herself, but apparently sure that Catherine’s idea of it was wrong. “You’re always sending her money. How come she never comes to see you if she’s so great?”

Catherine blinked hard and stared at her coffee.

“It was very interesting,” Sadie said. “He went over the history of the Bible—it’s just fascinating.”

“How many were there, dear?” Eva asked.

“Just me. I guess I have my own personal tutor, unless someone else decides to take the plunge.”

“Oh oh,” Gladys teased. “Looks like Sadie’s got herself a young man.”

They all laughed gaily. Laughter was becoming a habit for Sadie, it seemed, and it made her very happy.

From The Song of Sadie Sparrow, pages 89-90.

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The value of being a widow

9/6/2021

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I am pleased to once again present the insightful and inspiring words of a dear sister in Christ, reproduced here with her gracious permission. 


The Value of Being a Widow

By Edna Walls
Married 63 years
Widowed in 2009

Everyone knows how you become a widow: your husband -- your protector and companion -- has been taken. From now on your life will be forever different. Emotions of sorrow, fear, bitterness, loneliness, and self-pity come and go, but as a believer in Christ you also know that nothing happens that God does not allow.

What do you do? What you don't do is stop living. As difficult as it is, life goes on and you are still a part of it. God allowed you to become a widow and now He is giving you an opportunity to show the world that He is sufficient to fill your needs.

What an honor to be a witness of His grace and mercy. There is much comfort in His Words that say, "I will never leave nor forsake you." Being a widow can be a very rewarding journey as you take His hand and walk with Him. Remember the chorus of the beautiful old hymn "In the Garden":

"He walks with me
and He talks with me. 
And He tells me I am His own.
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known."

Even if you don't sing, reading the hymn brings assurance and healing. It is a must-read. As your spiritual Husband, "He will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:19. Will you step out in faith and be a witness to His love and care?

The world watches how Christians react to difficult situations and Satan likes nothing better than a defeated widow. Psalm 146:9 states, "The Lord supports the fatherless and the widow." So allow Him to do that by trusting His Word and believing His promises. In time, some widows may choose to re-marry, and that is not forbidden. If you do re-marry, be certain it is God's will.

Widowhood brings many lonely days. What better way to fill that time than to be a servant? Jesus is the greatest servant of all time and can serve through you. As Christians, we are His representatives on earth. What a worthy occupation! Your service can be great or small -- just do whatever you are able to do.

A greeting, smile, prayer, or note of encouragement can be very important to someone, especially another widow. In I Tim. 5:16 we are told widows should help other widows. This is a wonderful way to begin serving by helping our sisters-in-Christ. Comfort them in their sorrow and rejoice with them in their blessings.

As you age, if at any time you have health, financial or family problems, that's life. But don't hesitate to get counsel from pastors or elders. They are available to serve also. Prov. 15:22 says, "Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counsellors they succeed." 

You must not forget to be grateful and thankful to God for giving you this time to be of service. Our greatest happiness comes from aiding others. Most of all, you can be a light in this dark world by sharing Christ with someone who is lost.

Dear Widow, in Him you are of great value.
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Beauty is as beauty does

8/20/2021

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If you’re of a certain age, you’ll remember well the Mickey Mouse Club song “Beauty Is as Beauty Does.” Here, for those who don’t know it, is Mouseketeer Doreen singing it with Jimmie Dodd accompanying her. (Reading this via email? You may have to click on the title above to see the video clip.)
I thought of this song recently, having come across some old snapshots of a drop-dead gorgeous 96-year-old friend. And once again, I was surprised to note that this woman had not been especially pretty when she was young—that she was, in fact, a little homely. Yet somehow this Plain Jane managed to become a great beauty in her old age.
 
Interestingly, she’s far from alone in this. It’s a phenomenon I’ve observed a number of times over the last two decades.
 
Is there a common denominator? Have they all put on or lost weight? Have they donned appealingly modern duds or hairstyles? Could the secret be some little-known moisturizer or centuries-old beauty routine?
 
Apparently not.
 
But it won’t surprise some of you to learn that all these beauties have been born-again Christians.
 
Surely some were genuine Christians in their younger days, yet their early photos don’t seem to reflect that essential trait. I guess cameras can’t capture the essence of any sort of life, any more than scientists can explain it.
 
Yet God Himself has indwelt each of these women. And perhaps to know one of them, to spend time with her, is to feel His love overflowing from her earthly body. Perhaps to speak with her is, in some supernatural way, to see His presence in her, to get a glimpse of her Creator, living and vital and beckoning all to embrace Him as this woman has. And maybe that’s why they are, in person, so incredibly beautiful even in great old age.
 
We’ve been taught since childhood that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe that’s true, for anyone who has eyes to see. And maybe Mouseketeer Doreen is right, too. Like all of us, these women are far from perfect as long as they dwell in this fallen world; they have been redeemed by the blood of Christ, not by good deeds. But as committed Christians, they have all done their best to emulate their Savior. And what could be more beautiful than that?

If you'd like to join them, here's a good place to start. 
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Blessed are those with dementia?

8/6/2021

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For some reason, during a recent sleepless night, I couldn't stop thinking about all the dementia "sufferers" I've known as a 21-year nursing-home volunteer. I put "sufferers" in quotes, because many of them have been perfectly peaceful, enjoying the moment while contentedly forgetting more and more of their pasts, until they're left with nothing but memories of childhood.

And indeed these dear people become like little children--often, delightful little children. It's really precious to have a sweet little old lady tell you excitedly that mamma would be there soon to pick her up, or to have a kind old man inform you that he will be singing in the children's choir at church on Sunday.  

My mind raced happily on, tumbling over dozens of such smile-worthy flashbacks. And then it occurred to me: These people had lost most of their memories to dementia. But what are we in this life, if not the sum total of our memories? Does this mean that dementia patients have lost their very identities? 

But of course, that wouldn't be the case for those who are Christian, would it? Because Christians do have identities--indestructible, eternal identities in Christ. What's more, like little children, these dementia patients have nothing to bring to the salvation table, no thoughts of being good people deserving of anything, least of all heaven. 

There was that thought again: like little children. And what did Jesus say in Matthew 18? "He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: 'Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.'"

So perhaps Christian dementia patients are most blessed of all--doing nothing but trusting and enjoying the moment in this life, and then heading into eternity with hearts that are uniquely pleasing to the Lord. And perhaps that means they will be counted among Jesus' most beloved forevermore. 

I've thought for a long time that our pitying view of sweet and happy dementia patients is all wrong. Maybe this explains it.
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"Stop pretending!"

7/30/2021

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It bears repeating: a powerful message from Chris Carrillo, delivered during the Care-age of Brookfield Christian Music Hour on April 29, 2018.

There are two kinds of Christian in this world.
 
There are those who believe, and those who believe in.
 
There are those who acknowledge, and those who trust.
 
There are those who believe there was, and those who believe there is.
 
There are hearers and doers. Pretenders and true.
 
Which are you?
 
 And where will you spend forever?
 
If you want to know that you are heaven-bound, please listen to and consider Chris's compelling call to action.
 
It’s just fourteen minutes, but its impact may be eternal. 
Would you like to hear more from Chris? Visit our Messages from Chris Carrillo page!

If you are reading this via email, please click on the title above to be taken to the message. ​
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Guest Post: The Letter Exchange

7/8/2021

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Meet Australia's Cameron family 



In early February of this year, I received a wonderful note from a precious sister in
Christ who lives in Australia. After we’d corresponded a bit, she said she felt
inspired to contact a nearby nursing home
about reaching out to the residents.

Australia is still under painful covid
restrictions, so she knew she wouldn’t
be able to visit anyone at this time.
But she came up with the brilliant idea
of writing to the residents with the help
of her children. It has turned into a
lovely ministry for everyone concerned,
as indicated by this article, which she
wrote for the facility’s newsletter.  

The Letter Exchange
 
It goes without saying, that 2020 was a taxing year for many of us. It's especially hard when you can't see your family as often as you'd like to. 
 
I'm a home-schooling mum (of the pictured children), and my parents live right across the road from Salem nursing home. 
 
One day during the 2021 Easter break, I was sitting on the front veranda at my parent's place, with my mum and sister when I noticed a couple turn up at Salem for a visit, but of course they had to be turned away, because we were under restrictions at that point. Seeing this, and also having being inspired by a friend in the USA, who for 20 years has been visiting the folk in the nursing home her mother used to live in, got me thinking. Visiting might be difficult, but we could write letters to the residents, which is one of the next best things to visiting!
 
So, I got on the Salem website and made contact, to see if this was a possibility. I was impressed at how quickly we found two very enthusiastic emails in response, saying they would love to be a part of this.
 
My girls in particular love writing letters to friends who are too far away to visit, so I shared this idea with them, and they were very keen to join in. We live just outside Toowoomba, but regularly come in for work, and visiting my parents, so we aimed to drop an envelope of letters to the residents in the mail box there, every Friday. Then Jo (the activities coordinator at Salem) works with the residents to write a combined reply, and drops it in my parent's mail box.
 
We have loved the letter exchange, sharing stories, getting to learn about life at Salem and hopefully we are bringing cheer to our new friends there, who may be feeling isolated at times. We're thankful for this chance to get to know you the family at Salem!
 
From the Cameron Family
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Boring? Not on your life!

6/25/2021

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Who says living in a nursing home has to be dull? In the novel bearing her name, Sadie Sparrow and her friends find life at The Hickories endlessly engaging – and sometimes quite mysterious, as this excerpt demonstrates.
 
 
Sadie and Gladys brunched together on Sunday, enjoying a feast of fresh strawberries and blackberries, French toast with maple syrup, bacon that was every bit as crisp as any Sadie had ever had, as much orange juice as they wanted, and coffee that tasted like something you’d get at a fancy cafe.
 
Gladys shocked Sadie by calling the meal “good” and then shocked her again by pointing out that Marcia at Table Nine was on “the thick stuff.”
 
“Do you mean thickened liquids?” Sadie was ashamed that she’d let that subject slip to the back burner in recent days, her new spiritual life and time with Jamie being foremost on her mind.
 
“If that’s what you want to call it,” Gladys sniffed, “although I don’t know why you always have to make everything so complicated. Pretending to be something you’re not.”
 
“‘Thick stuff’ is just fine with me,” Sadie said, humbled by the rebuke. “So how did you find out?”
 
One of Gladys’s nicer traits was her willingness to leave a hurt behind. “Before you got here, I heard her complaining about it to the servers. But they wouldn’t help her. I think it’s a crime.”
 
“A crime?”
 
“Without a doubt.” Gladys lowered her voice and glanced back over her shoulders to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “It kills people, you know. If you don’t get enough to drink, you get fuzzy headed and then you die. I’ve seen it happen again and again.”
 
Gladys had lived at The Hickories for several years, and Sadie didn’t doubt that she knew a lot more than she let on.
 
“Have any of your—have you known anyone who’s been on it?”
 
Gladys eyed Sadie up before answering. “My friends, you mean? Were you assuming I haven’t had any friends here?”
 
“No, of course not, I just meant—”
 
“I’ll have you know that I’ve had plenty of friends here. It’s just that they’ve all died or gone home.”
 
“Of course you have.” Sadie felt her face flush; she’d been caught red-handed. She quickly changed gears. “So have any of them been on the thick stuff?”
 
“Yes, and they’ve all died within weeks, except for one. Her name was Ida—she lived next door to me. She survived for two years on the stuff, finally had a coronary.”
 
“Well, then, if Ida made it that long, maybe it’s not so bad after all,” said Sadie, hoping for a silver lining.
 
Gladys looked around for eavesdroppers again. “It’s not so bad if someone is sneaking you water and soda every day,” she whispered. “I kept her supplied.”
 
“Why Gladys,” Sadie whispered back, impressed. “You really do have a heart, don’t you?”
 
Gladys glared at her. “Don’t you dare tell anyone.”
 
--From The Song of Sadie Sparrow, pages 221-222
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    Kitty
    Foth-Regner

    I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, a freelance copywriter, a nursing-home volunteer, and the author of books both in-process and published -- including
    Heaven Without Her.

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